i'm secretly loves him..but scared to tell..and Yes am should not do this. He is smarter guy.
Today, I saw him again.. I'm so happy his doing well. _wearingblue_formalshirt... haishh ..
Tadi speaking so, now ingin cakap dalam bahasa Melayu pula. Di sini saya cuma mahu meluahkan tapi tak kesampaian bahawa saya mempunyai perasaan terhadap seseorang. Saya minati dia. Semua tentang dia , saya suka. Setiap hari saya mendoakan dia supaya sentiasa sihat serta keluarganya. Dia sangat bertuah kerana ada orang suka/cinta dia dalam diam tanpa ada sedikit clue. Melihat dia seperti orang yang berprofesional. Saya suka dia bukan saja² suka. Suka dalam diam dan berharap dia tahu tapi mustahil. Tak mengapa. :') Tahun ini mula ada rasa suka padahal tahun lepas lagi dah mula cuma hanya mampu menyimpan. Tak mahu bertindak terburu². God bless. Saya tak pernah berhenti berdoa untuk si dia.
I love-like him but he never know. i'm just ok with it,, but he always enter my class to talk with his bestfriend. Am just being professional here.
at this rate if I don't get an internship , I have went to college for going on 5 yrs now just to work at low wage job. I need some experience to be noticed for an entry level engineering technician. I get more "unfortunately, we are not considering you" emails than anything else. bruh im trying to be better
today was actually a good day. I went to the gym worked out and tried yoga. im not spiritual but I like the feeling of community in that environment. felt like I was outside my own head .
Life is so damn depressing. I live in a cycle of go to school and come home, jack off, play games, and sleep. I'm not doing anything for and with my life. I want to get good at video games but feel like o don't get any better no matter how much I practice. I honestly cry myself to sleep sometimes. All of this makes a big mental problem and stresses me to the point where I feel like I can't take it anymore. I'm too award and shy to ask for help from someone, even people who I would trust my life with. I know what I want but I never put any effort towards it. A kid at my school keeps bullying me and it's gotten to the point that I laugh it off and mumble to myself about how pathetic he is with a grin on my face. I don't know what to do to make anything in my life better and feel like I should just end it before I hurt someone's feelings due to desensitization after emotional trauma. I want help, but I can't get it because I need help with that.
I took a sharpie to my school's bathroom wall today. The vice principal was being an asshole, as she usually is to literally everyone at my school, and I pretty much wrote that she should go fuck herself. It will probably be painted over by tomorrow. Fine by me. Needed to get this off my chest real quick.
next week I got test for 4 days it way to stressful I got slot study and everything . - .
When someone i hate tells me that i will never be good at something i get so frustrated, that if you would give me books right there i would actually study it untill i am not at last half as good as person i hate