being a teenager is hard and if being a adult is hard too I never want to grow up
I have a friend name Felicia. And I dont like shouting the phrase "bye felicia!" When she's away leaving to her next class. Im more uncomfortable than she is. But thats how she became popular with her name. But nobody uses the phrase in my whole school especially in fromt of her because if someone say it, she's like, "bruh im not going anywhere!"
I don't get it why boys and one in particular would whisper "that's here" or "she is finally here" when I enter the room. And then whisper "but she is really the one" when the ther girl enters. Or when this guy seat with me during lunch and his friends would give glances, smirk or whisper to each other or give thumbs up. Like, I don't get it. Why would they do that and what does it mean
Today I found out that one of my favorite teachers has been arrested and charged with statutory rape. I don't know how to react. This seems so out of left field for her. I just... I mean, this is really hard for me to process. I have always looked up to her and admired her, and to find out that she could be capable of something like this... This is shortly after finding out that my dad, who I used to look up to, is also not at all worthy of being a role model. It feels like everyone I considered to be the best people in my life is actually a piece of shit somehow. It's... not a great feeling. And as if all that isn't bad enough... I was super close with this teacher. Like "friends on Facebook, still talked for several years after I graduated, consider her a real friend" close. And she was my first gay crush. At a time when I still thought being gay was an atrocious sin, I was attracted to her somehow. She helped me realize I was bi (though she has no clue of that). Idk what I even want to say here. I just need to talk. I'm so bothered by this. When I first found out, I dissociated for over an hour. I'm crushed by this. I just hope the accusations are false and that she's innocent.
I wanted to know how did you find out what job or degree you want to pursue. I am struggling as I don't know what to take in college/university. My hobby is painting and cooking yet family said I'll be just a waiter/everyone's servant or painting is nothing. They want me to be a doctor or an auditor. I don't know what to take so if anyone can share how did you found the right job/degree/career, I am thankful.
I am ashamed of my job. I was at a "higher" school (it's called Gymnasium in my country, you go there for 2 more years than those who "only" go to middle school and you get a more valuable degree which allows you to go to university). All my classmates go to uni, study some awesome things. It's generally seen as a "must" to go to uni if you went to the Gymnasium, getting a regular job is just for the "dumb" people who went to regular school. I know this sounds harsh, but that's really how people see it. Now I tried uni, but failed miserably, and I figured that I'd rather get a regular job that brings me less money than wasting years of my life at uni where I possibly won't even get a degree. It's a really primitive office job, but I like it a lot. I'm not smart, and there I feel like I'm good at what I'm doing, so I'm happy about it. But whenever I meet someone new or catch up with old classmates, and they tell me how they're becoming doctors and lawyers and then ask what I'm doing, I'm so ashamed to tell them. Because they always look at me strangely and then ask "What? Why?" and try to convince me that it's a stupid choice and that I should go to uni. At this point I'm even avoiding meeting people altogether because I hate having these conversations.
When I was little, my favorite "game" to play during summer vacation was school. I missed school and wanted to go back. I wanted to learn. This was before my family got a computer, way before wifi and smartphones were invented, so it's not like I could just go on educational websites any time I wanted. So if I had a workbook from school that I didn't finish, I finished it. If we went to the library, I usually played an educational game installed on the computer. One time all the computers were filled, so I got an encyclopedia, turned to a random page, and copied down notes about jaundice. In fourth grade, my school gave out old copies of an outdated science book and I studied from it for fun. Even as an adult, I still like learning for the sake of learning. I'm teaching myself French just because. I still have some old textbooks in storage in case I get bored one day.
In my univ. I attended a class on the first day where the professor wasnt there. When I came in, my peers told me to save myself and drop the class right away (I took it as an elective) I was wondering why. Because I want to study the class. One guy there whos my friend told me about his experience (he's a Greek major) when he was taking low level Classics class (the class was 200 level btw) with this prof. On that time two girls are sexually harssed by the prof and calling them boobies etc. Theyll get an A as long as they wear the tanks everyday etc. He wont be fired or will be harder to be fired dye to that this professor is tenured has big name, a director of some known institution. But very nasty! And his rate my professor have the same stuff going on. And Now I know why his students are all men. I thought women are just underrepresented in classics Dept. but nope. I dropped anyway. And my friend was relieved.
I'm a visual learner but I hate mind maps. My 4th grade teacher made us copy our history notes as a mind map. All I remember from that time was a bunch of details crammed into little bubbles on one sheet of ruled paper. I had no idea what the point of the mind map was, or why those details had to be forced in bubbles branching from larger bubbles. No one really taught us about learning styles or note taking methods yet, so I didn't know I could've taken notes in a different format. I thought since the teacher wrote it that way, I had to copy it that way too. Even after all these years, like 15 years, I still have a thing against mind maps. Any time I look up study methods for visual learners and it lists mind maps, I get a little bit pissed off. I know they have their place, and maybe detailed Virginian history notes weren't their place, but I can't bring myself to make one without remembering 4th grade hatred.
There's another 1 days more, I'm going back to College. A new semester. But I have no money. Not a single penny. I can't even afford myself to eat. I'm starving. I wonder what will happen to me. Just what, gonna happen to future itself. This is so hurts