I feel like a failure.. Times getting short and not any of my thesis are done. My lecturer are really hard to reach on and I'm afraid I couldn't finish it in the remaining 5 months. I'm really scared, I don't know.. I don't want to be a failure to my parents of course, but I don't know what to do.
I was gonna prep for this conference which was pretty prestigious. And it was my first one too and I'm still an undergrad. But I decided to opt out of it just because of my health. I know it's a waste of my opportunity but idk why, for the first time of my life, I've never been so much happier giving something up for the sake of my own health. Well maybe because this time my actual physical health was affected. But if I have done the same in the past. If I have set aside the research opportunities I applied to that I got into for the sake of my mental health, I think I would've been so much happier then and would be more ready in the future. But giving something so prestige over my health makes me understand that prestige means nothing over something precious which is my life. I felt human for the first time tbh.
I don't want to say college is hard, but there is so much to do in so little time that I crack under pressure. I also procrastinate like crazy, party every weekend, and go on confesster so there's that too haha.
Last year at my 3rd year of college. A guy in the library told me how I have a large boobs and told me how they look like double Ds. He said my ass is huge too. He asked me if he could to cup a feel. He asked me nicely but I honestly felt uncomfortable. He asked me to have sex with him too and I declined and he keeps forcing me in a nice manner. But Im so uncomfortable. It was finals week and I decided to stay at the library to study. I was wearing a really baggy hoodie and I dont fucking get why he thought my boobs were large. I felt harassed and uncomfortable. I told my mom about it and told me to let it go. She said how it was my fault too and that I was wrong. Tbh. It was a filipino parent mindset to always talk about it's my faily but I do felt bad after that. But I do thought, I think it's really my fault. I should've just stay home even though I cant focus just to be safe. I honestly just wanted to stay at the library and study. And unfortunately I have no friends to study with then because I had no friends in college then. But I know the guy, I know his name because we went to the same high school and he was friends with popular people. he's a psych major. He's vietnamese. He told me not to tell anyone this but Idk I felt very uncomfortable on that situation. Maybe it was my fault too that I decided to stay in the library alone especially as a girl. But I felt harrassed and sexualized on a day I was stressed out.
I absolutely don't understand historical books. I mean they're like a foreign language to me, despite being my language... just historical. Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, all that stuff. I had to read a lot of those for school and while people in class were discussing what certain motifes meant and were joking about Hamlet being dumb or whatever, I was just sitting there like... I've read the whole thing word for word but all I can tell you about the plot is the names of the people. I don't know if I'm just stupid.
We have this research paper in school and my members are not even helping me a bit..All they say is they don't know how to do it, and keep saying sorry.. What do i do with their sorry???Add it up in our research paper??? Like what the fuck??!! Our deadline is on Monday morning
I really like this dude but one of my friends whom i secretly Hate also likes him and now i get to work with him on a project and im gonna try and make him mine but she doesnt know it!
I used to date this girl that accepted my foot fetish. Occasionally I would go to her, and she'd let me play with her feet. You see she wears ballet flats, and I got the pleasure of taking them home. I'm 17, so these are her school flats so are worn quite a bit. However I've developed this pleasure of wearing womans ballet flats, like specifically the black bowtie flats and I just love wearing them. I hide them at my house so others dont question and when I'm alone at home I wear them, or sleep with them at night. Please, what's your opinion on this? Should I go to therapy?
I would like to emphasize that exams are the reason a lot of people hate schools. There are other ways to test knowledge.
No matter how much you said you'll keep in contact for you will ALWAYS fall out at the end. It's sad but I guess that's life, sooner or later they'll just become a pure bittersweet distant memory. That's the ugly side of post high school.