I don't care what anyone says, cat farts are the worst kind of farts. Dog farts are bad, but cat farts just smell like death. And to top it off, my dog has never farted while laying in my lap. I wish I could say the same for my cat.
My mom have chronic anxiety disorder and it's so bad that it's also affecting me. I have depression and I value my space a lot as well as my privacy but my mom gets so worried about me where I barely get access to my values and it's driving me crazy. I go to these places didn't call for 3 hours and she gets worried I might be in somewhere where I could be dead by now or something. I'm in college and I want to study abroad I want to go away and swoosh out just feel life all over again but my mom can't ever live a single damn day without texting or calling me. She's always thinking I killed myself. I know I feel bad that she felt that way just because I have depression but no matter what I promised I'm not gonna kill myself. And honestly she always controls the way I think so honestly, I'll wait until she gets old and pass away then that's when I'll find time to kill myself. I really hate my life. I feel so stuck in this situation dragging along my mom's condition. I don't blame her for everything but I get so frustrated living I don't even know how to become an adult. I tried explaining to her I'm fine and she needs to go tot he doctor more and not deny what I've been trying to explain her. she's just not willing to listen sometimes and it started to irritate me. I just want my mom's life to be peaceful without me I want to find meaning in all these bullshit of a life. I want to go away and be somewhere. If I would just be selfish I will just go away somewhere, ignore all her texts and her call so that I can have my self time. Man I just want to make my mom feel better but is she's controlling me because it's her anxiety talking man I'd rather just die. But really I'm a dead girl walking. I wanted to die from depression but I also can't die because I know who will go crazy upon what I did. And no I'm not a psychopath where I kill my mom. I love my mom but her existence gets me tired. I don't know my life story have a long view but this is what I can share for now...
I feel molested by my boyfriend's uncle and I don't know how to cope with it. I like him, he's a funny and nice guy. He's the only one in the family who accepted me right from the start, he's an amazing father for my boyfriend's 17 year old (female) cousin. I went on vacation with them once, in summer, at the beach. He never shakes hands as a greeting to me, he always gives a hug. He's the kind of guy you'd trust with everything serious because you know he's smart, but he also makes jokes a lot. And all that kind of confuses me because my boyfriend lately told me that his uncle asked him about my breasts. He apparently said something like "her breasts are probably pretty, right? Firm and round?". Okay okay, when I said I feel molested, you probably expected more than that, and I'm really not the kind of girl who screams "rape" at every guy who gives me a false look. That's why I said FEEL molested - I would never blame him for that, but it still feels wrong. Because our age difference is so huge he could be my father. Because his daughter is almost my exact same age. Because he saw me in a bikini. Because I know that from now on, whenever I see him, I'll have in mind that he's thinking of my breasts, that he probably has fantasies about how they look, and maybe even more fantasies about me. I don't know if this is appropriate, given our relations and the age thing. Given that I kind of see him as my own uncle, almost father, because I have neither in my family.
Every time I take a personality test I am either an ENTP or ENTJ 🙄 What am I? Can I be both kinda ambivalent? or am I something in between
I'm taking on an art project that may be too much for me to handle. Granted, it's a personal project so there is zero obligation or pressure, aside from the pressure I put on myself. I'm a huge perfectionist (which is stupid, because nothing I ever do can be perfect), and it doesn't help that the project consists of fanart of someone I adore and look up to. I just hope I do her justice. And I hope I don't quit this time. I always take on complex art ideas that I get frustrated with and give up on. I don't want this to be another unfinished sketch, forgotten in a half-filled sketchbook somewhere.
How I lost faith in humanity today: our bins stand on a platform in front of the house. After the trash was collected today, they didn't place the bin back on that platform properly (they often do that), so a little wind is enough to make them fall down on the sidewalk. I was sitting inside when I heard one falling over. I went upstairs to put some pants on, when I saw a guy with a trolley walking on the sidewalk, who lifted the bin up. I thought oh, how nice, he's putting it back into place, what a nice guy. I ran outside anyways to thank him an apologize for the inconvenience - I was too slow, the guy was already too far away, but guess what? He didn't put the bin back into place, he just shoved it to the side so he could pass with his trolley. It would've taken a few seconds to place the bin back on the platform, but apparently he thought that it's not his job. Which it isn't, of course, but it would've been a nice thing to do. Humans just don't do nice things to each other.
I wish whoever keeps clogging the toilets at work will freaking stop it. Someone threw a huge wad of toilet papers and seat covers in the toilet, as if that will solve anything. No. Just no. Why. Why would you do that?
So frustrated..... I have been started looking in to careers where I need to have at least gone to College to do. I am in my mid 30s and starting late yes I know. But I am so sick and tired of people telling me because of my age I need to aim lower. I'm sorry I had kids vey young and I don't have the option to go to school and now it looks more possible than ever before. I am lookinging into a couple different programs.I just wish they wouldn't tell me I am being unrealistic it's not like I am looking to have a doctorate....
ugh. so its official...im done and over it. I'm related to the most self center fucked up people in the world.its sad that strangers or people I barely even know treat me better than my so called family and actually wish me well.... my so.call family would.watch me die in front or them without even pretending to give a hand...ive come this far in my life entirely my own...i don't ask them for anything but to just leave me alone as a human being...im.constantly judged and looked down upon because I'm not rich or in school, etc. it a freaking ridiculous or because I'm not lending someone money when I obviously cannot afford to. I hate that we are even cut from the same.branch. as of today if anyone asks me about my family,im.either an orphan or a refugee from another country and all my family members died...as they are literally dead to me. I'm sick of all the hatefulness and negativity. I want to live a fulfilling life no time for the drama and extranets. I'm over it.im tired of trying being the peacemaker and always been shit on regardless of what I do.for people or the intentions in my heart. I no longer care
I got bullied at this social media. Two of my friends. My friend though experienced depression and had an attempt suicide. Me well honestly, I was diagnosed with depression in the past I just became too aware of how my depression would start in the situation and honestly, now that I know I kinda created a new personality. I was like "screw these bullies, I'm just sooooo lazy I really don't want to bother with the words anymore. If you let me avoid using any social media, so be it at least I have lesser distraction with my studies. And your no life situation left me busy and successful literally like some recent situations just the past days, I passed all my classes and got an award something I never have done before. And please! I literally went on ended up studying Muay Thai, Kickboxing, Knife throwing, and gun shooting so that ya'll bullied ever chase me I know how to fight back. I literally have mastered one martial art, practicing the other three." And I might new friends that introduced me to learn new hobbies and went places. Like their bullying continues to spread online but honestly I don't care because I only care my own success and helping out my friend now. Their life must be shitty they're spreading it onto others but then I'm like, " man bullshit I always get bullies it never ends whatever." it's still hard on the other hand because I feel like the paranoia chase me sometimes but if ever I hope I found a new way to redirect those negativities and hope that at least these bullies learn some karma like theirs.... Right now I just want them to stop for my friend because she's suffering.