There's this guy I knew in college. He always talks about how depressed he is. I don't know if he was being real deep inside.... But tbh, he sounded too pathetic about his depression. Like depression was some kind of fad for him. I don't know, I can't judge him but every time he talks, I just wanna scream at him and tell him, bullshit. He was pretty toxic but at the same time I'm conflicted to say it because he means well when I tell him little things about me. But he's a difficult friend to be with and I always had mixed feelings when with him. But all I can say, he sounded too pathetic and it's driving me nuts and I don't know what to say. And I know that depression is depression, there's always a catalyst to it whether that catalyst was light or not. I'm going to be redundant here but his reasons is like a child's play and he dumps his shit to me. They affect me but not affect me leading to depression more like irritated. I mean I hope I can tell him, I had 3x suicide attempt, 3x cutting. Changed 3 anti depressants. Was hospitalized 3x, was in psych ward once, was sent to sensory deprivation room because I was starting to be mentally dead, had nervous breakdown, have insomnia. Almost died 3x: my disability complications, from Dengue, accidents... Was raped and molested by my cousin. Yeah sure to him, I look normal. I was excelling in classes, I was completely caring. That's all because Im not putting an effort to label myself and like shit, I've been here, just keep on living.... And because I somehow saw that some depressed people like me, are just sad. Like pathetic sad. But again, I wanna try not to judge as much as possible because everyone is different. I met those with lighter reason but at least, they're reasonable. I don't know, it just sounds too unreal to be depressed because you lost 1 follower on Instagram. And lost 1 friend out his what, unaccountable amount of good friends. I have 4 (including him) that I call my friend and 1 friend was murdered by his boyfriend (it was on the news), 1 was drug addict and violent and so I stayed away from her. I have him and my other friend who is always busy now we are in college.... . He didn't have to pay for college because his parents do it. I pay my own tuition, I have two jobs as why I have small friends. Plus I have anxiety. And I feel like he isn't my friend too because he doesn't know me. And I prefer it that way because knowing him, it's not worth showing him my boulders. Knowing the fact he can't even lift his own pebbles. Plus he doesn't care anyway, he'd ask me then after my one phrase, he'd be telling all about his shit.....
~UPDATE from I'd appreciate big help here... I'm 18, I'm Male blablabla~ This morning my bff got a call from the guy, he asked if she wanted to go with her brother make a campfire. He asked if I was there and well, he came to pick us up. My bff (who knows I find this guy super nice) made me sit in front, and we talked during the WHOLE ride, about all and nothing (nothing about homosexuality yet). We arrive, start the fire, cook sausages and drink a Palm Bay each. We all talked and had a lot of laughs and good vibes. I was the one putting music and made him discover Billie Eilish. We went through her album, and Wish You Were Gay came up. He seemed to focus on it and talk less, while my friend and her brother talked. So I looked at him staring at the fire a bit silent, and I start singing the whole chorus. At some moments we locked eyes, but really brief At the end, the last "I just kinda wished you were gay" (that I sang louder cause I don't sing well so I can't be as smoothly silent as Billie) he looks up and notices me staring at him. We looked away but he laughed about it and sang again. We arrived an hour ago, and before we left, he gave a fist bump to my friend, a handshake to her brother, and when we shook hands he pulled me in a bear hug (no fighting, he's just a softer big boy) and pat my back, then rolled away... So I guess maybe success? Also: During the night, since he likes fires and lives close, he kept saying we can stay at his house anytime and come any day for a fire... Finals exams are coming and its stressing me, should I take the chance to message him and ask if I can stay for a night?
I am 17 very close to 18. I have a family member let's just call her (S) she is 47. I really like her and we'll I've been sniffing her used panties and bras. I also wear them a lot in private. she helps me a lot with my problems and makes me feel really happy so I actually feel really bad. but I can't help it. I really wanna see her naked body.
My boyfriend whines... Like a lot. About traffic, about his job, about his friends and his family, about money, about classes... About a lot. It's been about a year since it started. At the beginning he wasn't like this and at first I didn't give it much thought but lately I get tired from being with him. I have even thought about coming up with excuses just to not go out with him. I feel bad about it but I'm so tired. I just want a normal date, without any complaints.
Just met with my ex after such a long time.... we both are doing well with our lives. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 1 year, and I've been with no one after I broke up with him, 8 years ago. I don't think we still have the same feelings about each other anymore as we did years ago. But is it wrong if I hoped a little? That he still hold feelings towards me?
Even though I act like I like him, I hate my best friend's boyfriend. When she comes during the weekends she keeps bringing him 9/10 times and they're sickly in love I rather wanna get my eyes removed than watch them. I just want my weekends back with my best friend!
Yesterday I was having a really hard day. I wanted to cry but I didn't want anyone to know I was crying and I didn't have any makeup to hide how red my face would get if I cried. I just felt hopeless and like a failure. Then this guy came through my line at work, talking about Jesus' love and appreciating the little things. I don't think he knew it, but he really cheered me up and brought me out of my depressive thoughts. I'm not that religious but I think that's a sign from God. I think God brought him to me right when I needed it. It's a sign that everything will be okay.
Is it terrible that I want to murder someone? Like just purely for the pleasure of it? I'd love to feel someone's insides and just enjoy the warmth of their body. The thought makes me shiver. In fact, I enjoy the fantasies so much that I might actually do it.
This is really embarrassing but I think I peed myself a little. I don't know why or when, but this morning my underwear was wet and smelled bad. I put it on after having sex so maybe it's fluids from that? But anyway, it was so bad I had to take off my underwear at work. I had to figure out how to take off my underwear without completely taking off my pants and shoes. If someone else walked in the bathroom I didn't want them to see from under the stall that I was changing clothes. So I figured out how to take off my underwear with only taking one leg out of my pants and shoe. Scariest part was the brief period where I was worried someone would see my pocket bulging out and ask to see what I had in there. I work in a store so definitely could've been accused of shoplifting. Seriously considered throwing away the underwear and be done with it. But I thankfully wore pants with pockets today. Tucked them in my pants pocket, my work vest covered the pocket bulge, put the underwear in a bag in my car, and I feel much better now.
My life is going well all things considered... But I still have a low self-esteem. I still feel like I don't want anyone to see me because I feel that my personality and my heart are gross and anyone who gets to know me would just judge me. I'm scared of making friends because of this and I constantly doubt that my family doesn't really love me. I don't know how to like myself more. My mom is 54 and she still has a low self-esteem, what if I'll end up like her and dislike myself for my whole life? I do visit the psychiatric clinic regularly, but I haven't made any progress on my sense of self-worth. I can't keep going there forever either - my nurse said so herself. She said it's gonna be about three years tops,and after that I'm supposed to get support for the problems of life from the people in my life. But I always thought that relying on people emotionally was manipulative and would tire out the people you vent to. Anyway I still don't know what to do about my self esteem.