can people send the glory stories of the symptoms of pregnancy, ive looked at symptoms online, and from the sounds of it, ive never been pregnant before. I can relate to them. But sometimes I think I just over exaggerate myself when I have a pregnancy scare.
After I met my boyfriend, everything went somewhere good in my life. Before I met him, I did had a traumatic incident in the past from people who told me shit about me. It was so bad that sometimes I do get flashbacks from the things they told me.. I get anxiety everytime I pass by these people. What's worse is that the incident where they said shit to me is when We're in a different country, completely where mental health was shunned upon. The country was my home country (excluding my birth place and current hometown). I was sent back home to get treated. I was treated, got better and all of a suddent changed my life from there. Changed every aspect of me. Then I met my boyfriend. I was nervous at first but meeting him gave me new doors to changed many things about myself. I started making new friends, socializing more, reconnecting to my old friends, reconnecting to my best friends. I even had a better connection to my parents and brother. And even my cat. Then I started going back my old habits, working out more often, eating right, doing my hobbies like yoga again etc. Tbh, even though my bf and I aren't that long with our relationship yet, I do believe he's the best thing that happened to my life- a gift from whatever supreme being there is that exist. He's a good man, artistic, and kind. I found myself when I met him. He knows nothing about these thoughts but one thing I reflected on his personality is to be myself and love whatever it is who I am. Be responsible too. He's a great guy and I wake up thinking how lucky girl I am to meet such great guy like him. And my motto "never take someone for granted." Only now I get even use that motto when I met him. I'm not obsessed with him but I'm deeply blessed for meeting him my life. And tbh, there's more to know about him and him to know about me. And when we are together for long, whatever happens from there. Either he's my forever or he's not, I will still always remember that he's one of the best things that happened to my life. I had a boyfriend once before my bf now, and I learned sex and love with him. But my current bf, I learned life. Just honestly how he talks. And tbh, I was never alone nor friendless nor should be even feel jealous about his lifestyle whatever, I just need to actually stop isolating myself from people. I kinda need to stop hanging out with negativity and depression and anxiety. I need to set them out of their cage and let it fly. Let them fly and transfer to something else. Depression and anxiety is a part of me and they do come back but tbh, I just kinda slowly understood how to deal with them from time to time. The older I get, the more people I met whatever. But now I just know who I am.
I normally would forget a dream a second after i wake up but this just hits different; i woke up to sobbing and tears in my eyes and that kinda stuff never happens so it kinda freaked me out. I remembered being black and blue almost beaten to death by a boyfriend? husband? and i remembered just laying on the ground completely helpless and half conscious while he beats another girl to the ground, if i try to say or do anything to defend her i would just get beaten up more. She was on the ground body and head facing me just staring at me while i stare back at her, she was faceless (as in i dont remember what she looks like) and i can see him spooning her from behind. Jump cut: I was at a family dinner and everybody was completely oblivious to my state, i looked fresh out of a beat up sesh and i still had a black eye. I realised that a family dinner wasn't the best setting to come out with stuff like this especially with domestic violence but i did it anyways. I needed the release. "I was abused" was all i said, it went real quiet real quick and everybody was staring at me. I can't help but crack a smile because that's what people do when they're nervous and in a tense situation right? It was a defense mechanism and i thought they knew that, obviously didn't. One of the people (so happens to be a brother like figure in my life) with a laugh, went "oh i get it, she means that everybody gets abused one way or another in life right?" and everybody was smiling and laughing as if ridiculing me for trying to be sentiment or deep. The pain and betrayal i felt was deeper than any hits i took. So i walked out and thought to myself "I'd rather go back to HIM than to ever walk in that room again". Then i woke up like wtf
trying to get things around for a clothing optional dinner party. looking for rules and advice to make it a good night
My confession might seem dumb to a lot of people, but that's why I'm here, right? To talk about things no one in my life would understand. So a couple of weeks ago, my friend invited me over to a movie party- a bunch of people getting together to watch corny horror movies. I decided to go because I don't get out much and I thought socializing would be good for me. And it was. I had a good time. But I hate actual, not corny, horror movies. I don't have the stomach or the stable mind for them. We only watched one that wasn't a corny movie- something called Hereditary. I won't spoil any of the plot, but it has a lot of disturbing images in it, and I just... I'm not scared. I don't think something like that will actually happen, I'm not afraid of what I saw, but I can't stop thinking about it. Dwelling on the images. I wish I could wipe them from my mind. The thoughts are intrusive and just when I think I've finally forgotten it, it pops back in to say "nope! still here!" I just don't want to see charred corpses and decapitated heads and pools of blood anymore. I don't want these thoughts in my head and I can't make them go away! And the worst part is, I don't know how to explain to my friend why I don't want to go back and do it again.
Can't wait for fall. but since I'm naked, I can't go out
I was out drinking at the nightclub I usually go to. At some point that night I find myself with a friend, that I dont really talk to, but we know eachother. Now it still feels like all a blur. I cant remember if it was flirting or me just talking about random stuff. I'm fairly certain it was the outfit that caught his eye. 10+ drinks in me, I was drunk, I could barely walk, my words were slurred. I find myself cuddling up to my friend. Then out of no where he kisses me. After cuddling for sometime, I get up out of nowhere to sprint to the toilet. To vomit. About 3 steps later its done, too late. Ive vomitted. (side note: surprised I wasnt kicked out after that.) After that I remember having a dart, thinking I dont want to walk home alone. I was mostly just wanting someone to walk with me, but my friend wasnt actually drinking, and was able to drop me off. I spent 2 hours outside of my house after closing time, in his car, making out, (was really surprised since vomit breath). And things were escalating. My neck, my breasts, my theighs covered in hickeys. In my head was running, "I dont want to have sex." From how rough this guy was, I remember my legs shaking. And in my heart, I know it wasnt the cold. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, and tell him, please dont put my seat back. Because after tearing apart my fishnets, gliding a knife along my skin, and I didnt know if I was ready for this. Now theres clear access. And I had no intentions, and Ive never found myself in a situation like this. Ive had a similar story but that much longer and complicateder. The main connections are me saying no. Letting it happen, even though I'd rather not. And I didnt think it was going to happen, because I had been drinking, but it happened anyways. idk if I felt trapped, but I didnt try either way. fucking me in the most awkward position and sucking on my neck like a vampire. I notice someone literally walk right past the car on the road, I said something and he practically shaked it off as nothing. Now what I cant get off my mind is consent. Is what we did okay? Because a general rule is no. But sometimes I find myself losing my voice when I am very vulnerable. Idk if this is technically classified as rape or not. But it just leaves a burning image on my mind of him.
Being naked is good, so what's wrong?
I hate social media sometimes. Random guys always texts me and hit on me all the time. Most just wanna have sex with me. It's like wtf, like how do they find me online? I'm private and I don't post slutty pictures. I keep receiving messages from guys all the time and I just want these people to leave me alone. I don't text back, I just delete them but then I still keep on receiving so many messages from guys. Like why me? There's like way more prettier girls out there and also many of them wanted attention. I don't like that attention. And like I'm into real relationship where guys asks for a date and real relationships. Like as if everyone nowadays just wanna have sex. Nobody is committed anymore like our old folks.
i find stories of knotting both disturbing and erotic