Yesterday I was having a really hard day. I wanted to cry but I didn't want anyone to know I was crying and I didn't have any makeup to hide how red my face would get if I cried. I just felt hopeless and like a failure. Then this guy came through my line at work, talking about Jesus' love and appreciating the little things. I don't think he knew it, but he really cheered me up and brought me out of my depressive thoughts. I'm not that religious but I think that's a sign from God. I think God brought him to me right when I needed it. It's a sign that everything will be okay.
Is it terrible that I want to murder someone? Like just purely for the pleasure of it? I'd love to feel someone's insides and just enjoy the warmth of their body. The thought makes me shiver. In fact, I enjoy the fantasies so much that I might actually do it.
This is really embarrassing but I think I peed myself a little. I don't know why or when, but this morning my underwear was wet and smelled bad. I put it on after having sex so maybe it's fluids from that? But anyway, it was so bad I had to take off my underwear at work. I had to figure out how to take off my underwear without completely taking off my pants and shoes. If someone else walked in the bathroom I didn't want them to see from under the stall that I was changing clothes. So I figured out how to take off my underwear with only taking one leg out of my pants and shoe. Scariest part was the brief period where I was worried someone would see my pocket bulging out and ask to see what I had in there. I work in a store so definitely could've been accused of shoplifting. Seriously considered throwing away the underwear and be done with it. But I thankfully wore pants with pockets today. Tucked them in my pants pocket, my work vest covered the pocket bulge, put the underwear in a bag in my car, and I feel much better now.
My life is going well all things considered... But I still have a low self-esteem. I still feel like I don't want anyone to see me because I feel that my personality and my heart are gross and anyone who gets to know me would just judge me. I'm scared of making friends because of this and I constantly doubt that my family doesn't really love me. I don't know how to like myself more. My mom is 54 and she still has a low self-esteem, what if I'll end up like her and dislike myself for my whole life? I do visit the psychiatric clinic regularly, but I haven't made any progress on my sense of self-worth. I can't keep going there forever either - my nurse said so herself. She said it's gonna be about three years tops,and after that I'm supposed to get support for the problems of life from the people in my life. But I always thought that relying on people emotionally was manipulative and would tire out the people you vent to. Anyway I still don't know what to do about my self esteem.
Eu quero saber bem isso
I stopped taking hormonal birth control last month. Right now, it's been 6 weeks and my period hasn't showed up yet. I already took a pregnancy test and It came back negative, apart from that I shouldn't be pregnant because I haven't done anything since I stopped taking it. I'm afraid that something might have happened to my body while taking the pill however, I can't go see a doctor because I have no money.
I'm really eager to get out of this house, but I'm afraid to move. I'm afraid that we won't be able to find anywhere I can keep my cat in his own space away from my mom and sister (they're allergic). And I'm afraid that I'm nowhere near ready to start living on my own if I can't find somewhere to live with my family. I'm 22 years old, but I feel like I'm still 12.
I was at work, annoyed by how one section of my bags didn't have a rubberband holding them in place so all the bags got stuck together when a customer tried to grab one. Then a panel behind my register fell down and a rubberband was behind it. It's a small miracle, or a sign of something.
So my family had a run in with a pedophile. The pedo and his wife joined a couples group that gets together and has ethnic food every weekend. For about a year I never really liked the guy. When he came over to our house he looked in the bedrooms, as if planning. Would frequently try to talk and play with the kids despite being about 50. My wife thought it was just because he was sad that his kids were moving out. One of them didn't even leave a forwarding address she just ghosted. You may have seen the Netflix movie Abducted in Plain Sight? He was clearly trying to apply similar grooming tactics. I have 2 young kids. He tried to make friends with me. Asking what sports team I liked so he could feign interest, asking me about politics so he could pretend to be "on the same side." He saw the arcade cabinet I'm building with my kids and offered me some of his kids old vintage videogames. He even tried to hit on my wife. Touching her hair and complimenting her cooking to the point it pissed off his wife. It pissed me off too. He would even pick up my kids and carry them around. Well, his eldest daughter filed a police report. He had to cop an Alfred plea to raping both his daughters since preschool. Now someone was suggesting we visit him in prison. Fugg that. I grew up poor, I know what prisoners do to pedos. If I'm visiting anyone, I'm visiting his cellmate to pass on what he's in for. They'll fix this problem real quick. Am I wrong here?
I'm happy thx u Jesus