i hate myself and yet i love myself. today has been the luckiest day i got free tickets to something i didn't have any homework. and i had a wonderful dinner i made. and at the end im depressed bc I've been wanting to talk to this girl all day and i feel like she's been avoiding me or not interested in me. its all because her ex is trying to come back and im pretty sure he sussed. i just want the truth i dont care if it hurts me as long as i dont have to suffer through it anymore worrying but yet i do bc i really care about her... and i feel . well idk anymore and it scares me i wish that things will work out between us and if it doesn't i just need to remember that my friends are next to me and if i dont have them then i have god
im in a communal type situation its supose to be a home for me and my children but its not a home its my junkie boyfreinds brothers place and i feel like a used piece of shit for my bf convenience i know hes lying about stuff but i cant being it up he tells me i got nothing and im just lying i have never felt safe and comfortable hes never assured security and has never been my freind hes always been distant made alot of excuses and lied on where and what he makes me out to be crazy so he can keep his good boy image since his mum and partner live on the same property i have no way out i have no income i have no family to help i have had suicidal thoughts i havent been able to pick myself up this time this hasnt been something anyone would be happy about im sick of feeling nothing and wasted being told i got nothing am nothing i dont have freinds to talk to as im quite private and like my alone time only when i need to be social i have no problem well atleast once apon a time i was this is only the tip of the ice berg i literally feel i have no future and my kids will have no mum 4 years ago i was seeing a much brighter picture and i knew who i was and still am i lived and learned and grew and i appreciated all i had been through but this time i dont think theres any saving me this time i dont think god is even here with me Anymore im slowly withering away theres nothing left of me.
I really think I may have something wrong inside me. I feel depressed and think my life is pointless. I had a dream that I had a illness, my wife left me and I was dealing with al this alone.
I'm not one of those people who lives by astrology and constantly asks people what their sign is. I don't believe in all that. But there are parts of all that craziness that seem to have something to them. For example, the past weeks have been complete shit for not just me but EVERYONE I KNOW. Found out today Mercury is in retrograde. It was like "Oh well that would explain a fucking lot." Sometimes I wonder how much "insanity" people dismiss that's actually at least somewhat valid.
Im not a religious person... when i was a kid i used to go every sunday to the church with my parents.. i hated it.. i just wanted to stay home, sleep a little bit more and watch cartoons like other kids.. im 30 years old now.. and when im nervos (happens every day because im really nervous every day) i can hear in my head this church music that i used to hear in the church with my parents.. somehow it calms me down.. is that weird?
I message with married women
I was once in a hotel in Helsinki for 3 weeks in a vacation. Im a Brasilian woman who lives in switzerland for about 5 yeas now. I dont like switzerland so much.. the thing is.. when i checked out from my hotel in helsinki, the receptio ist asked me if i would travel for another country or if im just going to go home.. i answered “im going home” and he asked me “where is home?” That question bugged my head.. i dont feel like home in switzerland, but brazil is not my home anymore.. and them i just answered “ i dont know, but i live in the moment in switzerland”. Since this day i just have a weird feeling in my heart.. i dont feel like “home” anywhere.. :/ is that normal??? And everyday now i remember the question.. “where is home??” :(
Yesterday was my class picture day. We happy, laughing, pose, taking selfies and else. And then time to change the outfit. We change the outfit and waiting for the photographer to prepare the set, while we checking each other appearances to make sure it will be perfect. Then my crush apporach me, asking me to fix his tie. The problem is me and him are not talking for like a whole year and he was dating my friends that knowing my feeling for him—they broke up already. I no longer have feelings for him. But OH MY GOD, me fixing his tie is the first time I fall for him—also my way to flirt with him—and it started to flooding me with those memories all over again. I'm so nervous, sweating, my hands are shaking. Good thing I didn't just hug hin right there. Fyi, everybody in class knkw about that and they teasing me again for that -.-
I decided to finally see a therapist, it's definitely going to break the bank. But I feel lonely and anxious and I have no friends or family I can trust with my problems. And my only friend is my husband, and he can't understand what I'm feeling no matter how much I tried. I'm not going to tell him I'm going to see a therapist though.
10 years ago I met my wife after internet dating for a while. I was head over heels for her and took the chance. She was willing to go all the way the first time we met, but we didn't. We were both virgins at the time. I asked her why she was willing. I was expecting some explanat about the depth of our love. She said I have good genes because I have a high GPA and look like a model. Besides if I leave, no one will ever know because I don't know any of her friends. Is this a common line of thought for women? I recall the song "Name" by Goo Goo Dolls or the line in that Lorde song about those who "Don't dance and tell." Wildest dreams by Taylor Swift. Is this kind of fling a common fantasy for women?