this girl in my class said, "i don't even notice she's here half of the time", in relation to me. i am a naturally quiet person. i thought to myself, "i'd rather be someone people don't notice half of the time, then someone people wish they didn't notice". it's all a matter of perspective, but this girl is very suggestive in almost everything she does, and she has been known to betray her closest friends. that's all.
I feel like absolute crap. My nose is runny sometimes then stopped up. Last night, I sneezed so hard I peed. I'm coughing and my throat was sore for two days. My knees are sore. I felt like slow moving crap just going to the store for medicine and food. And now, I'm gassy and have a stomach ache on top of all that. But I still have to go to work.
I had a dream that I made out with my crush. I wish I had this kind of dream every night <3
I have a suspicion that my mother was molested as a child. Her attitudes towards sex seem like there is some sort of trauma attached. Her parents divorced when she was about 5 and put her in an orphanage. She spent her teenage years trying to pick up American soldiers at the bars around Rammstein airforce base. When she came to America after her soldier husband died she started fucking new guys, including his brother within 3 months. She is what we call a never-single. One of her bfs was going great until he got sick and it caused impotence, so she dumped him for an illiterate farm hand whom she dated off and on for nearly 20 years. Now she's in her 50s and freaking out because she hasn't had sex in 2 months and can't find any takers. She gets violently angry at the idea people have the ability to not have sex, particularly those who wait for marriage. When I turned down easy women she assumed I was gay. She got violently angry and threatened to put me in an asylum when she found out I was abstaining. When I married a woman who was not like her she became more angry. She tried to pay my wife to leave me, and then to have an abortion. When that didn't work she rage quit and disowned me. I have known many women who were molested. They usually react in one of two ways. Extreme fear of sex, or extreme minimalization of it's importance. Like it's a meaningless bodily function like taking a shit. All of my friends worked through their issues as teens and are all well adjusted and married with kids now. Maybe I'm making assumptions, but either way she is a dangerous lunatic.
I am 3 days away from going to do an internship in a country where I know no one and where they don't even speak my native language. I am so nervous and so excited and so afraid. I hope everything works out well.
Back at my last job, I only get to have a maximum of 2 hours sleep.I worked for more than 16 hours everyday with 11 straight days work and less than a day to rest(rest day). This went on for months. I would also skip lunch just to finish all the work for the day and have to do a job equivalent of 5 people's job. One time, I was too sleepy with still lots of work that my heart just beats too fast and had too many short breaths. My hands were cramping as well. No one noticed as they are busy as well. I don't even drink coffee. Thinking of it now, I'm glad I left because I could be dead by now if it continues. Btw, we were all paid just a minimum wage. Don't be afraid to leave a job that kills you. If it makes you unhappy and causes health problem, always think that there are jobs with more opportunities that treats employees better. --- 물 :)
Hey guys, its another update on the whole (Loving That Guy and now going to his house) story! I went with my bff to his place to make a fire again. I went out so he could get some messages (Touched his knee gently and not too weirdly or pervy, pay attention to him and what he said (he'd interest me in a car description really), laugh out with him, even got off track of the subject, and I could hug him and lay hands on his tummy!) And well... In 4 days I'm sleeping at his house! I can't pay gas and he gives me a bed and food, so I felt bad for asking, but he's very kind and sweet... Couldn't help but fall for him when he told us we could stay here So... Should I tell him? He is supposed to get me at work, so should I explain how I feel towards him?
It's incredible when people die. I love to hear about someome dying. It makes me want to find the body and look inside it. The pleasure of touching someone's organs is beyond what anyone could imagine. Usually corpses that hit rigor mortis aren't as fun. The lively one's seem to have more squish.
Recently I have been on a behavioral science kick and I got my wife into a few of my books. We had been going through a rough patch. Whenever I have car trouble I hide it from her. Try to fix it on my own because I KNOW she's gonna yell at me with the usual condescending, "I told you not to buy X, you should have bought Y."(Which we couldn't afford). Well recently we had some Kia trouble and she just said, "It'll be ok. We always make it work. So what's our next step?" I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. We got it fixed as always, but no fighting. Everyone felt better. Apparently she had read in one of my books how ineffective yelling criticisms at people is. It causes breakdown and anger. That constructive talk builds your bond. It's a big relief for me.
I am infinitely afraid of not being good enough. I want to ask my thesis supervisor if he actually thinks I'm worth the while or if he believes in me but I'm afraid he will laugh of me or tell me I'm not.