I'm so proud of my mom, she was an angel. I really love her. I want to make she happy, she's work for me and my dad. My dad have a stroke. But, she says i'm not a good child for her when i didn't following the rules that she made.
last night, my friend said he wants to die. he made ig stories that he will commit suicide at 00.00 now his instagram is dissapear. I didn't help him anymore, so do my other friends too. Back then, i always help him, but one day, he does something wrong that really really really break my heart and also the other that made we didn't respect to him again. But my close friend said that i'm so mean bcs i'm not caring when he wants to die. I just act that i never want to know about him. And now, me and my close friend are not having a good realtionship anymore. It really makes me pissed off to my friend who wants to die, i just think that better he just die. I don't want to being so mean like this, but i really am disappointed.
I used to delete all of my texts every day. Not to hide anything, just... because. I guess I didn't like them cluttering up my phone screen. But now I can't help but think about how stupid that was. How many precious memories must I have lost? Now I still periodically delete my texts- just to free up space on my full memory- but I always save the ones that meant so much to me. I never want to forget those moments. I'll cherish those words as long as I live.
I'm so annoyed. I finally got out of a depressive funk and wanted to take a shower. I even warmed up the water. I go to close the shower curtain and one side of the rod slips. I tried to fix it and the whole thing fell down. I have no idea why the person who built this house put a shower head in here but no permament shower curtain rod. All it would take is a few screws but nooo, our landlord won't let put holes in the wall.
I really need to get my thesis done, or I'm screwed. But it sooooooooo hard to look for motivation and nothing could motivate me enough. I'd prefer to stay at home rather than doing my thesis, means I have to meet my lecturer. I don't have any problem with her, just I don't wanna go. I don't know...
i have a friend who close with me back then, but he always made mistakes. 1-2 times i could forgive him but now he makes a really really big drama to all of my friends too in college. And now many people hate him, i'm so sick of his personality. He made problems everywhere, but also he wanted to commit suicide, me and other didn't care anymore. Like, we're not gonna help him anymore. Am I a bad guy?
i've been told that a lot can change in a year, never believed that... Now, it's been 4 months since i started a new beginning, i'm screwed up.
Being someone who doesn't drink alcohol you constantly get asked why but not accepting the answer, people try to pressure you into drinking over and over, make fun of you, make it their little game to get you to drink tonight. But try reversing the whole thing, ask people why they drink, tell them with every drink they get that they shouldn't, make it your little game to pressure everyone into not drinking... things escalate pretty quickly. It was a fun family party for me, though I'm now in a mild fighting state with some distant relatives
I missed the feeling of having a boyfriend. It's been 7 years since the last time I'm in a relationship. Wow. Even me shocked.
I was in my professor's office to ask for a question about chemistry. In a civil conversation, he gave out a good analogy but came out very wrong ( I can't say the actual topic since it was chemistry specific...) but his analogy was talking about nails and twisting it in a metal hole and how it was about twisting and pushing and squeezing and etc. and putting nails in a wrong hole or something. His gestures came out wrong as well and he noticed it too.. I think That was the day before valentine's day which got even more awkward.. He laughed a bit but I pretend I'm innocent and didn't mind it but really in my mind I was laughing so hard! I was about to express my cracked up laughter. But it's kinda uncomfortable as well because he's a dude and I'm a girl and I'm actually kinda conservative and that was weird for me but it was funny.. Man that office help just switched from chemistry to sex. ed all of a sudden but now at least I won't forget it.