Months ago, back in December, I had a dream that I was in a lame romantic Christmas Hallmark movie. And in this story, I ended up falling in love with someone who I was not even remotely attracted to in waking life. Now all this time later I actually have fallen in love with him. And it's not like I convinced myself to like him because of the dream, cause I was so confused and weirded out when I woke up from it, like "Wait what? Why him? I don't even like him." And I've had prophetic dreams before that end up coming true, but it still amazes me.
My sister and I had a kinda weird talk about our sex lives today. It's just weird cause we've never really talked about it before. But she has questions and concerns, and she doesn't feel comfortable talking to our mom about it- and I understand why, our mom is very much a "wait until you get married!!1!" kind of person- but it's just... I wish I could say something besides "it's weird" lol. Idk, is this some kind of... precedent? Are we going to talk about this often now? Is she going to want to be more open with me, or never bring it up again? Who knows? I'm kinda glad I can be there for her though, cause I didn't have anyone there for me, and it sucked. This whole policy of teaching abstinence instead of safety is fucking stupid. She shouldn't HAVE to come to me for help even though I'm glad she CAN. Teens shouldn't be afraid to ask these important questions. It's angering.
how is it that you can be old yet feel so young and be young and feel so old???
how is it that you can feel old yet be so young and be old and feel so young???
my mind is in shambles, so im just gonna write away. A mind is a fragile thing. A slight influence triggers a butterfly effect. Language and learning. Set from the beginning and developing a conciousness. Dreams answer questions we didnt ask and didnt even need an answer to. A wild sea turns into a softly babbling brook; somtimes leaving us in confusion of what to do next. Dull words and empty conclusions. Its painfully obvious that some things are that irrelevant. Every trip through our thoughts costs us. Are you willing to pay the price or will you wait until the fatigue gnaws you away? Still. Try and find what is blocked away by emotion and culture. Making sense; in that regard is not important. Oh my, write down what thou think you know. A puzzle with no correlation creating a picture to blind who observes only. Time is fluid, try to hold it, but youll fail. Try to drink up and you wont notice it passed through you. And end is nigh, but im not sure how ready i am.
The only time I get flirted with is in my dreams. I feel pretty pathetic for craving love so desperately that I've started dreaming of just being flirted with.
I'm trying to stop biting my nails. I got a bacterial or fungal infection on my finger near my nails from biting a hangnail off and it took some live tissue off. I had a huge bump on my finger, it hurt like hell and now the skin near the nail peeled off. Until it completely heals I'm gonna have to wear a bandaid and keep it clean. Maybe I'll think of this next time I go to bite my nails.
I got a Top Performer sign on my desk at work. I worked my butt off, did really well in getting production, and I earned it. I was really proud of myself when I got it. The guy sitting next to me kept taking my sign. I politely smiled and fake laughed the first time because I knew he was joking. But he kept doing it and I stopped smiling or laughing. The last time, I had enough. I was on the phone with a customer, he took my sign, put it on the ground, and stepped on it. I muted my phone and said "I am not in the mood. PUT IT BACK". He put it back and hasn't bothered it since. I want to just do my work and have that guy ignore me and my stuff entirely. I could move desks. But if I move, I give up my regular seat I've had for over a month. Desks are first come first serve, unless the manager reserved a desk for someone for medical reasons. I've gotten lucky with no one taking my seat for this long. I don't want to risk losing my regular spot and having to move every day.
My dad annoys me... so much. Living in the same house as him is agonizing, because of all the stupid habits he has. He never puts things back in the fridge; I started buying all the stuff like milk, cheese and other groceries for myself and put them in a box labelled "DON'T USE" because I'm too afraid to consume the things that he left sitting outside, especially during summer. He also always leaves the radio and the lights on for hours while not being in the room; at the same time, he scolds me whenever I watch TV because it supposedly is a waste of electricity money. He always runs around in underwear and farts and burps loudly; and by always, I mean even when guests are over. I don't bring friends or dates over anymore when I know he'll be home. Then, there are tons of small things that alone aren't so bad, but kind of sum up; like how he always puts his cups in the wrong place in the dishwasher, doesn't remove soap stains from the sink, etc. The thing that pissed me of today so much that I now need to rant here is that I found out that he uses my towel. The shower towel. The thing he uses to dry his genitals - the thing I use to clean MY genitals. I was so disgusted. It isn't like he purposefully uses my towel, he just grabs the first one that's available, which apparently often is mine. I now plan on using a new one every time. The thing is, whenever you try to talk to him about those things, no matter how nicely you phrase it, he acts like a small child about it and either throws a tantrum about how he's the only one bringing home money in this household and still gets blamed for everything, or he ignores you completely.
I'm the kind of person who don't have a lot of friends. I don't also have a social media except Youtube and Snapchat (no one even bother to respond at me here). I also don't watch TV and use my laptop only for youtube and learning things and school work. So I lived in a farm with no technology for one year with other 4 more people. Most of them didn't survive. One only stayed for 3 months and went back to where he came from. Some get so frustrated that they're so eager to use their smartphones. To me though, I made new friends, and the life there made me not use my smartphone more but living there also got me ended up creating Instagram, Twitter, and reviving my FB. I just learned how technology is really a part of society and nobody can live and think now without it. Me I can but socially wise, it's the key to make a connection and the only key to get away from depression (cuz I'm alone and friendless). So I have to adapt too... Cuz having people around makes me happier....