Today i woke up pretty early and got an appointment for my job interview, which i am really exited and really nervous about. for a change, i made breakfast. not only was it relatively healthy for a change, but it was also quite good, plus i didnt made a mess out of the kitchen like i usually do when i cook. And on top of all that, when i looked out of my open window, i saw big fluffy flakes of snow falling from the sky. And this made me think. Maybe this will be the change i so desperatly needed in my life. I often got told that i would have depression, and that i need help. But i know for a fact, that thats not true. You cant cure depression, but you can cure a shitty life, and i may have found the remedy. I still got a bit of time before i have to start my old job for the last few months this year again. So i can get my drivers license, get the job for september, and finish a piece of work i started last year. This is the first time i can say this is it without suicidal intend.
Went down the road to a fancy dress party. I was Woody from Toy Story as a gay looking cowboy hat and some jeans are easily accessible at the last minute. Anyway I hooked up and fucked a ghost. At least I thought she was a ghost. Turns out it was just one of the muslim hoe's from next door. Oh well. Least she didn't blow me. Up.
My mother is an awful bigot. She is one of those free love Boomers who hate Christians. She disowned me years ago, but still calls me when she's down. She just got dumped again at the age of 55. Desperately clawing for whatever garbage man will stave off loneliness. So what does she want to chat about? Looking down on Christian morality. She knows I converted as a teen and married a Christian. We even waited for marriage. I just want to tell her, maybe considering my marriage worked and you are alone AGAIN, maybe I was on to something. Sour grapes. Why do I even answer the phone? What's wrong with me?
I'm an atheist and i live in a very religious family. I'm not sure if i should tell them because I'm afraid I'd be cut financially or even get kicked out.
Ex texted me asking "do you hate me?" w. October things were fine and dandy even met your brother. November you started acting up and December you broke up with me and kicked me out. claiming every little thing I did or didn't do made you unhappy. then mid In mid December lo and behold you announce you have a new boyfriend and claim we'd be separated for months..... months or month female? its apparent you'd been talking to this dude before. then when you got rid of me you bought him in. so yea I hate you. I hate you because you're weak and dont know how to handle a argument without running away and starting a whole new relationship while pretending the one you're still in is going good. you claim you're dont with that hoe shit. but apparently not.
I had a dream about you last night. It felt so real, and lasted almost a lifetime. We were happy together, and we loved eachother. The last thing you said in my dream was over the phone, it was something simple, like "i will stop at the store and after i will come home, do you need anything?". And then i woke up. I took my phone to see if we really talked, but i deleted your number 3 years ago.
One man's gain can be someone else's lose. In your victory, there might be other person dying in his defeat. But as one Queen said, "Winning is not always a victory; and losing is not always a defeat". Let us always celebrate the wins and losses.
I think I've lived a good life. Regardless of the ups and downs, I feel like I'm content with where I'm at now and I think this is the perfect ending to my story. I know it's selfish and cowardly and I still have "so much to live for" but I don't want to know what the future may hold. I don't want to know if tomorrow will be worse than today or better. I don't want to continue on like this. I plan on killing myself tonight.
My girlfriend has just told me she's pregnant. I honestly don't know what to think. I have the nagging doubt in My head that there's a chance it's not mines. iv been with her just over a year, and have never had any real findings that she's ever cheated on me but something just tells me she has. stupid things like I know when a guy has messaged her because I get a glimpse of the name or whatever and when I ask who it is she plays it off as one of her girlfriends. iv also seen sexts to another guy from a point where we were early on in our relationship but still getting pretty serious. I asked her if she was seeing or in contact with more than one person at the start and she said absolutely not. I know otherwise though. I don't know what to think, I love her, but don't know if I trust her fully
It's wet down here, and I just want to hug you.