Coming from someone staring into the "Incel"-abyss. I am not a crazy psychopath, I don't hate woman, and I don't feel entitled to anything. I am just a guy who does no harm to anyone. I only want to be treated as the respectable person I always tried to be, it's not even about sex or getting a girlfriend anymore, I just want to be treated as a human...for example, I just sat on a bench, reading a book, when I was called a pervert because some girl sat down on the same bench and insisted that I should leave because her friend wanted to sit where I already sat before they arrived, which I politly declined without any thought. Am I such a broken person that I can't insist on my place without people thinking I am a creep?
My parents loves each other very much and had been married for sooooo many years. Their personalities and lifestyle are also polar from each other. And something their opposing traits drives me insane. My mom is this type of woman who's always on the go and aggressive like a fire. She would go here and there and do this and that. She would live to socialize. And her personality is so bright and lively and energetic. And conversation is very interesting and fun with her. And she can't live life without a change in a matter of weeks and is a last minute person. My dad on the other hand is just settle and chill like water. He's organized and would do things routinely. He doesn't care about people at all (always tells me he don't need others but his family). Personality wise, he can be a bit intimidating but once you know him he's so nice hang out with. He won't talk at all unless you started talking or making a sound. And he's good if you just want someone to listen to. He lives simplistically too. Chores wise, he does it early on and gets stressed out if you tell him to do things in a matter of few days without planning. But one thing I see similar between them is that they're so understanding with each other and leave out this ego when being together. And philosophy wise, they never see perfection in their relationship, just progress. Me and my brother though took both of their traits but different traits from our parents. But dating wise, it's sooo difficult and I always wonder will there be a good soul out there like my parents? Their relationship is soo perfect sometimes and I get intimidated reaching the same expectations they have. Especially now divorce is rising, my life can never be like my parents. I feel like I'll just a kid. Even though I'm a designated trouble of a kid, I'd still get my own because that's not hard to maintain (except my sanity).
My fiance told me he put a knife to his wrist 4 months ago but stopped himself before cutting. That was the only time he came close and he's been fighting it and hiding it since then. I'm so upset and feel guilty that he's been hurting that badly and I didn't see it. He's on blood thinners and we're at least 30 minutes from the hospital. I might not have even been home to call 911 If he did it. I can't lose him. If I lost him like that, I'd have to admit myself to a psych ward. I don't know how to help him. He said he's ok now and the thought of causing everyone so much pain stopped him. But I worry the depression and anxiety will be too much and he won't tell anyone. I made him promise if those thoughts come back, call me or his best friend or someone. And I'm going to have to pay attention to the warning signs I missed before.
i hope you are fine. i love you so much. take care. thank you for coming into my life. thank you for the memories.
sometimes I feel guilty for thinking about ending it all when I have so much to forgive
I was gonna travel to Guatemala until the Vulcan de Fuego errupted. And im not kidding or trolling but why I had to cancel the flight the reason is because I had a diarrhea and had been in the toilet for you know... its a weird premonition. Im the person with weird stories about meeting someone from santiago chile and probably ate something while there.... like why the hell everything is weird for me this year???? So many conincidences happening....
My boyfriend just told me something that is so weird that I can't look at him with the same eyes anymore. We were talking about shaving of the genital area, and when I asked him about at which age he shaved for the first time, he became a little weird. After getting on his nerves for a while, he finally admitted what had happened: his mom did it. Apparently, she saw him shower when he was around 15, and told him that he can't run around with a bush down there. He then said that he doesn't know how to shave his balls without hurting himself, so she did it for him. This is by far the weirdest thing I've ever heard about a person. I of course had to swear to never tell anyone, but I just had to, because it somehow really traumatized me.
i feel so left out. i feel like i am already tired trying so hard to fit in because it is all the same.
I would get worried, if I fucked a dick too big; my spine would get knocked out of alignment.
I am a writer, who is so critical, that I struggle to write anything, most days. Well...I'm going to write tonight...damnit! Coffee on and up so late, I will be sleepy at work.