I have done things with my daughter and hope it continues
Yesterday the stress got to me. I yelled at my family and threw my jacket at the floor. Threatened to give up and leave. Work, car, school, extended family. It's all been to much. Strangest thing happened. As my wife and I were yelling my son calmly picked up my jacket and put it in the right place. Same with my shoes. He sat calmly until I was done and talked in a calm constructive manner. He was doing everything he could to deescalate the situation and he's only 6. He was talking about his classmate's parents getting a divorce earlier. He doesn't want that. This boy has some real emotional strength. This is a rare skill set. Calmness under pressure. Discretion. He's going to be a good man.
Tomorrow I have 2 tests. Wish me luck
Soo where to start.. I'm 18 years old and I will graduate soon. However there is one person from school that I can't get out of my head. It's a teacher I have. Sounds like a lame story, a girl that is in love with a teacher bla bla.. But I would not say that I'm hopelessly in love with this man, it's different. I'm very attracted to him, and now onto the interesting part, I do think, that he sort of has feelings for me too. It's very strange, because I don't want to interpret to much into it, I wanna see it from a neutral perspective, and maybe I'm all wrong. I don't know. So, I got this teacher for around 2 years now in class. I always was a pretty shy girl, someone that does not have much to do with the other students but still has her 3 good friends so I didn't participate that much in classes, wich also led to him not really knowing me that much at the beginning. He, by the way is a attractive, not too attractive (attractive for me, he's a pretty unique guy) , 28 year old man. He himself seems to be a more quiet person too, in a way that he has enough self-esteem to be a good teacher, but hes always quite quiet and does not scream to kids or anything like that. However, once when he spoke to me when we were alone, asking, why I don't like to talk so much in class, while my written texts are always so good. I tried to explain it to him, and he showed his understanding, and we then talked a bit about this, he asked about how he could help and stuff. It was a pretty intimate conversation, but still just in the sense from a teacher to a student. As time passed by, we have talked a bit some times, and during the lessons, I slowly started to feel nervous around him. As he stood in front of the class, he very often looked into my eyes for a long time, as I did too, and then we both looked away fastly, just too look in our eyes again a few seconds later. I found him even more attractive and charming day by day. It was strange to me, that he always looked at me, while I wasn't even raising my hand or showed participation in his lesson. He even favored me, in some ways, that even other students see that, and tell that to me, they also say that he looks at me quite often. (and I feel a bit uncomfortable then, because I don't want to be the person that gets favored by a teacher). However, I'm sure that he doesn't intents to do so. The connection between us grew stronger and stronger by day. And now it's like, we have strange eye connections, whenever we see us, he, in lessons very often comes to me and asks if he could take a look on what I'm doing, and asks if he could help me with anything. He also says, whenever I need help in his subject, he's always there to help. Wich is a bit strange for two reasons, 1. I'm pretty good in his subject, I have no problems with it, I just don't raise my hand that much, and he knows that, he knows that I'm good at it, and he also knows that im not too shy to ask if I have questions. I'm not that shy, I just hate the consepts of lessons where I always have to take part and stuff, idk. And 2. because he just sais that to me. There are other students, but he never goes to them, sits besides or in front of them for a long time and takes a look at what they're doing. He also never said to anybody else, that he/she can always come to him and ask questions. And again, he knows that I'm not that shy. And whenever he talks to me, his voice changes. It gets very soft, more quiet and sensitive. Very strange, since it doesn't change when he speaks to other people. Whenever we talk we look deeply in our eyes, and sometimes even forget to talk. Then we just smile for a bit and look in our eyes. I think that behavior is at least for a teacher student relation a bit strange. I remember once, when there was like only one laptop left to work, I stood up to get it, an other boy stood up to, was faster then me, and got this laptop, so I haven't had one, just because he sort of runned just to get it quicker then me. The teacher then said to this boy that to me, he should always be a gentle man, so he should give it to me. As he said the, he was quite aware that I heard it, and he looked to me in that strange cute look he always gives me. This is a stupid story but should just stand as an example of the many stories I always have with him. And God, I can't stop thinking about him and his beautiful eyes. But don't get me wrong, I've never seen this in a that childish way. I don't think that sth between us would work, I also don't think that he would make it happen. I don't think that he would ever really have sth with me, I guess he would always feel that it's wrong and that he's not in that position to do so. But I do think, just for the way he speaks to me (this is not sth you can explain that easy, so it might be hard to understand) and how he looks at me, wich is different to how he looks to other people, that he has some feelings for me, and I don't know how to deal with that, because soon he will be gone, because I will graduate and wount have him in lessons anymore. But I will really miss the conversations we were having aswell as his eyes and his way of saying things, and everything about us, but it would be way to strange from me to ask if we could stay in contact, because for me it would not be on a friendly basis, so it wouldn't work. But I'll miss him so much :( idk what to doooo :(
I'm scared of relationships because my parents' relationship always made me feel unsafe. They argued about even smallest things - one of them first misinterpreted the other and got offended or angry, and then they both just refused to understand. It was constant, at least a few times every day. I was always on guard, fearing that a fight might break out at any time. I was also scared of expressing thoughts that conflicted theirs because I wanted to avoid possible conflicts. Now I'm scared that my own relationships will be like what I just described and that I'll never find someone I feel emotionally safe with.
benci banget sama kating! punya acara gede minta bantuan adek tingkat buat jadi panitia tapi bikin peraturan ga ada toleransinya. cuma ga ikut rapat 2x karna sakit dan emang tubuh gue ini penyakitan mau gimana anjer tetep kena denda.
My friend's sister died today. She overdosed. The saddest part is, everyone is so surprised. She was only 17, top of her class, had her future all lined up, very straight edge. She wasn't just some junkie who overdid it. I just can't stop wondering why. Why did this happen? Why did she do it? Why didn't she survive? I can't imagine the terrible loss my friend is suffering. I have a sister who's the same age as his, they were in the same class; I can't imagine losing her right now, so suddenly and unexpectedly. I wish I had any words at all to console him or comfort him, but what can you say? What can anyone possibly tell someone who has lost so much that would help them in any way?
i hate myself and yet i love myself. today has been the luckiest day i got free tickets to something i didn't have any homework. and i had a wonderful dinner i made. and at the end im depressed bc I've been wanting to talk to this girl all day and i feel like she's been avoiding me or not interested in me. its all because her ex is trying to come back and im pretty sure he sussed. i just want the truth i dont care if it hurts me as long as i dont have to suffer through it anymore worrying but yet i do bc i really care about her... and i feel . well idk anymore and it scares me i wish that things will work out between us and if it doesn't i just need to remember that my friends are next to me and if i dont have them then i have god
im in a communal type situation its supose to be a home for me and my children but its not a home its my junkie boyfreinds brothers place and i feel like a used piece of shit for my bf convenience i know hes lying about stuff but i cant being it up he tells me i got nothing and im just lying i have never felt safe and comfortable hes never assured security and has never been my freind hes always been distant made alot of excuses and lied on where and what he makes me out to be crazy so he can keep his good boy image since his mum and partner live on the same property i have no way out i have no income i have no family to help i have had suicidal thoughts i havent been able to pick myself up this time this hasnt been something anyone would be happy about im sick of feeling nothing and wasted being told i got nothing am nothing i dont have freinds to talk to as im quite private and like my alone time only when i need to be social i have no problem well atleast once apon a time i was this is only the tip of the ice berg i literally feel i have no future and my kids will have no mum 4 years ago i was seeing a much brighter picture and i knew who i was and still am i lived and learned and grew and i appreciated all i had been through but this time i dont think theres any saving me this time i dont think god is even here with me Anymore im slowly withering away theres nothing left of me.
I really think I may have something wrong inside me. I feel depressed and think my life is pointless. I had a dream that I had a illness, my wife left me and I was dealing with al this alone.