I feel guilty when people give me gifts, especially expensive ones. I feel even worse if the gift is spontaneous/without reason, though I still feel this way on my birthday and on Christmas. Christmas isn't as bad because I can at least give something back- but if they give me something expensive I feel bad for not being able to do the same for them. I just feel undeserving of gifts.
Sometimes, my life is grotesque. I went from chronically depressed, pseudointellectual "incel" on the brink of suicide due to an completely destroyed self-image to actually being in a relationship with the woman of my dreams in about half a year. Not only is she basically a smarter, female version of me with a working self-image, but she also physically embodies every trait I find attractive. Had people told me that this is what will happen to me in 2018, I had probably called them fools for doing so. I still can hardly believe that there actually is a woman out there that shares not only my virtues, but who also genuinly loves me for who I am...even on a bodily level...to be fair, I also try to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be according to the rules of 19th-century prose. I mean, everything about her is great: She's smart, believes in love and loyalty, is a great artist, is "statue of the roman antiquacy" - level goodlooking, is really efficient in daily life and thus a really "down-to-earth"-person, shares my taste in music and, as obscure of a fact that may be, even loves Half-Life.
My life feels like a long, drawn out dramadey indie film. I live alone. I work a job 5 days a week, that is repetitive, and some of the co-workers are fake. I'm in a new relationship, that we live far away but make time to see each other. I visit my parents, every other weekend. I wake up, in the middle of the night and have random thoughts, on how to improve my life, but coming up empty. (Movie Title: Coming Up Empty)
tonight i start my no touching myself ever idk how long i can last and im not joking about this i have a problem and i need to fix it so tomorrow will be day 1 of this
I went to this province area in the philippines with my friend. And she wore theseripped jeans. I mean she loves ripped jeans a lot and thats basically what she wore ever since we were in high school. But while passing by their kinda downtown theres this really nice old woman giving my friend some money to buy her some new nice clothing. Im assuming the old woman thought we're homeless "taong grasa" in filipino. I was cracking up because the jeans was expensive and bought from this store... true religion and their clothing is "expensive!" But the old woman just sees it as ugly. We tried to explain it to her, she just dont get why wear destroyed clothing. For me i never understood in the first place why buy a jeans from an expensive store where you can just buy cheap ones and destroy it lol...
i don't understand people's world. always feel like an outcast. anyone feels the same? hop in to my car.
"so even though slavery looked like it was a bad thing, it turned out to be a good thing for us because if not we'd be stuck in africa somewhere."
went over to my guy friends house last night to have a few drinks. when I got there, he had a friend over who was already super drunk. anyways this guy turned out to be a total creep. spent the first 20 minutes repeating that i'm cute and that he's jealous of my friend being near me. already started feeling uncomfortable. but just figure he's deunk. whatever... but it didnt stop. and he ended up going on the floor infront on the couch my friend and I were sitting on and kept trying to touch my leg and I kept swatting him away. it was making me more uncomfortable. so texted my bf to come back (he had dropped me off and was gonna pick me up after) but I was getting really uncomfortable so asked him to come back to keep the guy away. then he tried groping my boob and trying to put his hands on my pussy. I swatted him away again and told him if he tries again, i'm kicking him in the face. so he said "so I can touch you then?" i responded "if you wanna get kicked in the face" he said "ok, sweet" and tried again... so I kicked him in the face... he was all upset that I kicked him, he said it really hurt... but then tried again 30seconds later. so I kicked him harder.... this time he was crying and his nose was bleeding ( I dont think I broke it, it wasnt that bad) but yea. that pissed him off. i went to the bathroom. on my way out I hear a huge crash. go into the living room to find the couched flipped and his face against the door to the deck bleeding hard core. I can only guess he tripped and smashed his face into the door. we figured it was time for him to go home. so we got his gf to come get him. who wasn't to happy with us when she saw him bleeding and his mouth all busted up. she accused us of beating him up... was kind of worried she would of called the cops. but she didnt. which is good. but damn. some people need to learn to hold their liquor. they also need to learn the word NO.
my mother is such a brat
While walking home from a mates i had thoughts of his wife and the filthy shit id do to her...I stopped off at the public toilet and masturbated to her insta pics....