Pseudo-Incel-Date-Guy from over half a year ago here: I just bought a bondage starter kit, because in the last few months it turned out that my girlfriend - ye gods, how I love her - loves being painfully dominated while my darkest, deepest sexual desire is to be dominating...in blind hatred against the pleasures of physical love, I denied that to such a degree that I had almost forgotten about that...It is utmost interesting to me that she is not only the love of my life, but that we, in our kinks, complement each other perfectly - better than I could have always wished for before I gave in to selfhatred. Sometimes life can be good.
I'm usually a rough girl, prefer to do it rough while being tossed around with 2 or more guys. It's exciting, the sensation of being tossed around, fucked rough while he is growling like a tiger, and sucking his dick down to my throat, etc (you know what I mean). But this guy, I love him. He treat me nice, like a princess, slow and calm and soft and total opposite of what I like. It's excite me though cause it's him, still make me wet without tingles that hit your stomach. But I love him, I want him to fuck me rough and totally lose control over it.
I'm always asking myself, if I will lose my apetite over sex. I mean, it sex though. The straighy porn are still nice to watch and make me wet, the lesbians aren't my thing, but the gays are totally give tingles. But I do wonder if the real sex not give that much kick as the porn. I mean, it's different. The make love and the fucking. I don't know, I'm kinda like on the edge now.
So, I take my purity plegde in my highschool year. Now I'm in college and I really want to have a boyfriend. But I'm afraid if he ask for sex, and I say no, and he left me. Like, is it that hard to keep a relationship away from sex for like a couple of years?
My best friend and I haven't been seeing each other as much since we both started working a few years ago. So when he told me I am 'going a little nuts' dating wise it confused me. I haven't dated for a full on year with the exception of 1 person who didn't go further than three dates and that's it. Him being my best friend, I took the comment to heart and asked him what made him say that a few days after he said it, it kind of bothered me. His response was very offended, why did I make a fuss about it? Well I think as a friend I can tell you I don't quite appreciate a comment, especially if it's just based of 'a feeling' I think I can ask them to word it better next time. They got highly offended by this. So I've noticed them distancing in a group chat and when I asked him something in private I got some corporate response that he doesn't entrust certain information with an 'associate' and that 'we barely know each other' and he's interested to 'have an attempt at reconnection, perhaps somewhere in the future'. I may be crazy but if I'm mad at a friend It doesn't make them not my friend anymore, and if I want distance I just tell them "hey man I've been hurt, this will need some time. But I still care about you, just give me some room", or quietly take that room if i can. I feel hurt that someone whom I've dragged away from the litteraly train tracks could talk to me like that and just ditch me because of an argument. And then I find out he has been talking to people of our group behind my back while accusing me of making drama while I keep it to myself. Others say he'll come back to say sorry as he doesn't really want to lose me, but I don't think I can accept it. I lay here crying in my bed, and I don't cry that easily.
I wanna do throuple, me with two guys. I mean, I wouldn't mind sharing my boyfriend as long as I am the only girl in it, haha.
I love to write, like really want to spent my life about it. My idea usually around horror/thriller genre and R/Adult rated. My mind is madness and I want to share those madness to the world! But half of me saying that most people won't like that. And I'm really afraid to put it online, even though I have the portal for sharing, but I post none.
I'm so proud of my mom, she was an angel. I really love her. I want to make she happy, she's work for me and my dad. My dad have a stroke. But, she says i'm not a good child for her when i didn't following the rules that she made.
last night, my friend said he wants to die. he made ig stories that he will commit suicide at 00.00 now his instagram is dissapear. I didn't help him anymore, so do my other friends too. Back then, i always help him, but one day, he does something wrong that really really really break my heart and also the other that made we didn't respect to him again. But my close friend said that i'm so mean bcs i'm not caring when he wants to die. I just act that i never want to know about him. And now, me and my close friend are not having a good realtionship anymore. It really makes me pissed off to my friend who wants to die, i just think that better he just die. I don't want to being so mean like this, but i really am disappointed.
I used to delete all of my texts every day. Not to hide anything, just... because. I guess I didn't like them cluttering up my phone screen. But now I can't help but think about how stupid that was. How many precious memories must I have lost? Now I still periodically delete my texts- just to free up space on my full memory- but I always save the ones that meant so much to me. I never want to forget those moments. I'll cherish those words as long as I live.