I wish today's rain is raining you. Who knows dĄdąduraine will swirl this blackened heart to red again.
Haven't been able to communicate with a few select people the last past weeks. I just have had zero desire or inclination to reach out. I'm trying to distance myself from those who I let take advantage of me. Its so hard and I've tried many times before but I always give in and make all right for them. Not saying I'm a person pleaser but I do tend to take every problem that's not my own and fix it. First because I can actually do it but also I know I'll do it well and I hate seeing people struggling, even when its their own fault. ESPECIALLY if there are kids involved. It's a sickness I have or blah. This time though I'm really really ~trying~ harder to stick with it. I know now that I need to see myself as a person, a being deserving of all I give to others. I want to be that person to do that for me. Some have been family, some friends, even coworkers but the one that I think I'm most hurt by not being able to talk to is my best friend of 12 years. I knew I needed to step away (if only for a little while) when he told me he knows he's been manipulating me but he didn't apologize. I didn't want to accept that he said such and definitely didn't want an apology but the way he said it to me. Idk he's hurt me so much over the years but I guess he's always known I'll never leave. I don't want to and I miss him with every heartbeat. Its so tough. ANYWHOOOSSS I'm done with the word vomit.
I used to date this girl that accepted my foot fetish. Occasionally I would go to her, and she'd let me play with her feet. You see she wears ballet flats, and I got the pleasure of taking them home. I'm 17, so these are her school flats so are worn quite a bit. However I've developed this pleasure of wearing womans ballet flats, like specifically the black bowtie flats and I just love wearing them. I hide them at my house so others dont question and when I'm alone at home I wear them, or sleep with them at night. Please, what's your opinion on this? Should I go to therapy?
I'm a 17 year old male and for some reason... I love wearing womens ballet flats. I used to have a girlfriend that wore flats and because I have a foot fetish I would take them off her feet. One time, I asked her if I could take them home and she let me, that's where I tried them on. Theres just something about them that I love, and I wish I could just openly do so with getting judged or called things. I wear them when I'm alone and do occasionally buy worn pairs off of ebay whenever I get paid... someone give me their thoughts on this, should I go to... therapy?
I've never said this out loud to anyone, but I think I'm bisexual. Not completely sure, I just know I'm not totally straight. I only just started accepting that fact pretty recently. I'm engaged to a man and I'm happy with the relationship, so I'm probably not going to experiment with girls. I'm pretty sure I'm never going to come out to my homophobic family. But when a survey asked what my sexuality is, I said bisexual. First time I've ever done that so that's a step.
I want to be fucked hard till I passed out !! So that way I have a moment to not worry bout anything.
I don't know why I can't bring myself to do shit I had to do. I'm putting my attention to do things that I like, which is way less important than the thing I should be doing. I feel like a failure but I can't bring myself to do it.. I'm scared of something irrational.. maybe I'm insane
can people send the glory stories of the symptoms of pregnancy, ive looked at symptoms online, and from the sounds of it, ive never been pregnant before. I can relate to them. But sometimes I think I just over exaggerate myself when I have a pregnancy scare.
After I met my boyfriend, everything went somewhere good in my life. Before I met him, I did had a traumatic incident in the past from people who told me shit about me. It was so bad that sometimes I do get flashbacks from the things they told me.. I get anxiety everytime I pass by these people. What's worse is that the incident where they said shit to me is when We're in a different country, completely where mental health was shunned upon. The country was my home country (excluding my birth place and current hometown). I was sent back home to get treated. I was treated, got better and all of a suddent changed my life from there. Changed every aspect of me. Then I met my boyfriend. I was nervous at first but meeting him gave me new doors to changed many things about myself. I started making new friends, socializing more, reconnecting to my old friends, reconnecting to my best friends. I even had a better connection to my parents and brother. And even my cat. Then I started going back my old habits, working out more often, eating right, doing my hobbies like yoga again etc. Tbh, even though my bf and I aren't that long with our relationship yet, I do believe he's the best thing that happened to my life- a gift from whatever supreme being there is that exist. He's a good man, artistic, and kind. I found myself when I met him. He knows nothing about these thoughts but one thing I reflected on his personality is to be myself and love whatever it is who I am. Be responsible too. He's a great guy and I wake up thinking how lucky girl I am to meet such great guy like him. And my motto "never take someone for granted." Only now I get even use that motto when I met him. I'm not obsessed with him but I'm deeply blessed for meeting him my life. And tbh, there's more to know about him and him to know about me. And when we are together for long, whatever happens from there. Either he's my forever or he's not, I will still always remember that he's one of the best things that happened to my life. I had a boyfriend once before my bf now, and I learned sex and love with him. But my current bf, I learned life. Just honestly how he talks. And tbh, I was never alone nor friendless nor should be even feel jealous about his lifestyle whatever, I just need to actually stop isolating myself from people. I kinda need to stop hanging out with negativity and depression and anxiety. I need to set them out of their cage and let it fly. Let them fly and transfer to something else. Depression and anxiety is a part of me and they do come back but tbh, I just kinda slowly understood how to deal with them from time to time. The older I get, the more people I met whatever. But now I just know who I am.
I normally would forget a dream a second after i wake up but this just hits different; i woke up to sobbing and tears in my eyes and that kinda stuff never happens so it kinda freaked me out. I remembered being black and blue almost beaten to death by a boyfriend? husband? and i remembered just laying on the ground completely helpless and half conscious while he beats another girl to the ground, if i try to say or do anything to defend her i would just get beaten up more. She was on the ground body and head facing me just staring at me while i stare back at her, she was faceless (as in i dont remember what she looks like) and i can see him spooning her from behind. Jump cut: I was at a family dinner and everybody was completely oblivious to my state, i looked fresh out of a beat up sesh and i still had a black eye. I realised that a family dinner wasn't the best setting to come out with stuff like this especially with domestic violence but i did it anyways. I needed the release. "I was abused" was all i said, it went real quiet real quick and everybody was staring at me. I can't help but crack a smile because that's what people do when they're nervous and in a tense situation right? It was a defense mechanism and i thought they knew that, obviously didn't. One of the people (so happens to be a brother like figure in my life) with a laugh, went "oh i get it, she means that everybody gets abused one way or another in life right?" and everybody was smiling and laughing as if ridiculing me for trying to be sentiment or deep. The pain and betrayal i felt was deeper than any hits i took. So i walked out and thought to myself "I'd rather go back to HIM than to ever walk in that room again". Then i woke up like wtf