Back in the days when I was 8 years old my dad was touching me in the area.... Anyways for some unknown reason I've flirted with him today and I can't sleep now. This is gross, I need help.
tell me something about the first crush you ever had?
A weird thing I do is that I always look on the road when I'm not the driver of the car, as if I was the driver of the car. No matter which seat I'm in; if I'm in the back seat I always sit very uncomfortably to be able to look out of the front. I also don't take in the beauty of the landscape or sleep or read, not even on long rides. I started doing this when I was a kid, I always was afraid of car rides when my dad was driving because he took his eyes off the road so much (probably wasn't even that bad but as a kid I thought he was gonna kill us all if he looked elsewhere for a second) and in my child brain I thought I could compensate that if I looked at the road instead. It became both a habit and kind of a superstition, and I'm not sure if it's healthy.
Im not a religious person... when i was a kid i used to go every sunday to the church with my parents.. i hated it.. i just wanted to stay home, sleep a little bit more and watch cartoons like other kids.. im 30 years old now.. and when im nervos (happens every day because im really nervous every day) i can hear in my head this church music that i used to hear in the church with my parents.. somehow it calms me down.. is that weird?
I confess that even now, after all these years, I still love the train wreck that is Twilight. I know it's not exactly the pinnacle of great writing, but I love it anyway.
I'll just whistle blow and confess. I had a teacher in elementary school who actually tutored me and gave me so much guides to pass the exam. Little that I know the question and answers were all the things in the exam. I got a perfect score in all my classes ( 8 classes). My conscience hits me often and I felt deeply that I didn't deserve to be an honors kid then because my tutor who is my teacher gave me all the answers to the exam. I didn't get in trouble for it though.... though my teacher then knows I have a crush on him and I was thinking that's probably the reason why. But it was really unfair to other kids like me who get a perfect score as well and get no aid (or maybe they did because I found out when I was in high school, five of us are receiving the same situation). But it was my guilt all throughout. When I moved in a different country and in my middle school days I'm not getting perfect scores anymore and that teacher isn't my tutor anymore. I have no tutor but I still get good grades though. and in High School when I took the SAT exam, I got a perfect score but even though I know I have no tutor or is not cheating, it always reminds me of that guilt I had as a kid. So after that I literally and purposely make one answer wrong for the sake of not having a perfect score because I know I don't deserve it so on my other college exam (ACT) I almost aced it with. Now though I'm applying for an MCAT and I know I'm more mature and a grown person but for some reason I still have a guilt and probably I'll more likely and purposely wrong an answer I know on the exam but I wanna get over that guilt I just don't know how...
I feel like I am different from everyone else. I can't find anyone with the same opinions that I have. I am 20 and I miss how the world used to be a few years ago.I miss the social facebook games why doesn't anyone play them anymore?, I miss when printed magazines were still popular, I miss msn and its fun way to chats, I miss when outings were still simple and fun, not fucking nightclubs or very expensive restaurants, I miss when there were challenges and competitions, I miss social games like spin the bottle and truth or dare,I miss when collecting coins and stamps was still a thing. Why am I the only one in this large world who misses these amazing things, and WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE ME FEEL WEIRD AND JUDGE ME WHEN I TELL THEM I MISS THESE THINGS? I can't fit in in the current way of life where all what people around think about is clubbing,dogs,gym and food. I feel very bored, very lonely and very depressed. am I the only one in this huge world who misses the things above? is there any other person like me?
Sorry for the long one in advance. So I grew up with only my mother. My dad tried to kidnap me twice as a child and succeeded once so haven't seen him since I was young and he went to jail for this. In the meantime my childhood has been tough for a number of reasons, one of them is that I've always been my mothers only form or support. When I was 11 years old I found out she has a chronic disease, Huntington disease if anyone cares, and so I've over the years become my mother's mother more and more. And though I can take a lot and still love my mother, she hasn't always been good. She called me worthless and cried about wanting to die because of me nearly on the daily, breaking half the house in her rage on the regular. And even though I'm an adult now and I moved out some years ago already, I still get bothered by her a lot. She calls me 3 times a day at least, constantly tries to come over and pick me up from work and so on. And many say "why do you complain, your mother is just spoiling you, I wish I had a mom ready to pick me up any time". Well not if it means crossing over personal boundaries. One day I was on a date with my (then) boyfriend who lived oversees. Him and I would go on a double date but we were way too early so being in the city centre already anyway we decided to pop into a store as he needed some clothes. When my mom texted how I was I happily replied what we were doing and she want crazy on us. Getting angry and ranging on and on about how she didn't get to go along. This was just hopping into a store for like 20 minutes mind you. And the other day I had to get angry and scream, legit scream at her that she wasn't allowed to come to my house because I had to leave. All I did was ask if she knew where something was which I lost after she visited. I never needed her to come over. Its just become disrespectful and condescending by now how much she's even unwilling to consider I have boundaries. I don't know what to do. Tldr: My mother is just too much, I don't know what to do.
I think I foget how my teenager life once was.
Once, I almost hit one of our cats. She was bothering me when I tried to sleep and I shoved her away forcefully. There's also been a few times when I've thrown a cat down from my bunk bed. Every time, the cat didn't even do anything wrong, I was just angry about something else and took it out on them. I've probably traumatized them all because they run away whenever I approach. I've harmed my younger siblings too. When I was little, I used to push them to the ground and step on their heads for no reason. And even during my teen years, I've hit my sister a few times just because she was there when I was in a bad mood. I wish I knew how to make up for it. I've apologized to my siblings but that won't make them hurt less.