I'll just whistle blow and confess. I had a teacher in elementary school who actually tutored me and gave me so much guides to pass the exam. Little that I know the question and answers were all the things in the exam. I got a perfect score in all my classes ( 8 classes). My conscience hits me often and I felt deeply that I didn't deserve to be an honors kid then because my tutor who is my teacher gave me all the answers to the exam. I didn't get in trouble for it though.... though my teacher then knows I have a crush on him and I was thinking that's probably the reason why. But it was really unfair to other kids like me who get a perfect score as well and get no aid (or maybe they did because I found out when I was in high school, five of us are receiving the same situation). But it was my guilt all throughout. When I moved in a different country and in my middle school days I'm not getting perfect scores anymore and that teacher isn't my tutor anymore. I have no tutor but I still get good grades though. and in High School when I took the SAT exam, I got a perfect score but even though I know I have no tutor or is not cheating, it always reminds me of that guilt I had as a kid. So after that I literally and purposely make one answer wrong for the sake of not having a perfect score because I know I don't deserve it so on my other college exam (ACT) I almost aced it with. Now though I'm applying for an MCAT and I know I'm more mature and a grown person but for some reason I still have a guilt and probably I'll more likely and purposely wrong an answer I know on the exam but I wanna get over that guilt I just don't know how...
I feel like I am different from everyone else. I can't find anyone with the same opinions that I have. I am 20 and I miss how the world used to be a few years ago.I miss the social facebook games why doesn't anyone play them anymore?, I miss when printed magazines were still popular, I miss msn and its fun way to chats, I miss when outings were still simple and fun, not fucking nightclubs or very expensive restaurants, I miss when there were challenges and competitions, I miss social games like spin the bottle and truth or dare,I miss when collecting coins and stamps was still a thing. Why am I the only one in this large world who misses these amazing things, and WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE ME FEEL WEIRD AND JUDGE ME WHEN I TELL THEM I MISS THESE THINGS? I can't fit in in the current way of life where all what people around think about is clubbing,dogs,gym and food. I feel very bored, very lonely and very depressed. am I the only one in this huge world who misses the things above? is there any other person like me?
Sorry for the long one in advance. So I grew up with only my mother. My dad tried to kidnap me twice as a child and succeeded once so haven't seen him since I was young and he went to jail for this. In the meantime my childhood has been tough for a number of reasons, one of them is that I've always been my mothers only form or support. When I was 11 years old I found out she has a chronic disease, Huntington disease if anyone cares, and so I've over the years become my mother's mother more and more. And though I can take a lot and still love my mother, she hasn't always been good. She called me worthless and cried about wanting to die because of me nearly on the daily, breaking half the house in her rage on the regular. And even though I'm an adult now and I moved out some years ago already, I still get bothered by her a lot. She calls me 3 times a day at least, constantly tries to come over and pick me up from work and so on. And many say "why do you complain, your mother is just spoiling you, I wish I had a mom ready to pick me up any time". Well not if it means crossing over personal boundaries. One day I was on a date with my (then) boyfriend who lived oversees. Him and I would go on a double date but we were way too early so being in the city centre already anyway we decided to pop into a store as he needed some clothes. When my mom texted how I was I happily replied what we were doing and she want crazy on us. Getting angry and ranging on and on about how she didn't get to go along. This was just hopping into a store for like 20 minutes mind you. And the other day I had to get angry and scream, legit scream at her that she wasn't allowed to come to my house because I had to leave. All I did was ask if she knew where something was which I lost after she visited. I never needed her to come over. Its just become disrespectful and condescending by now how much she's even unwilling to consider I have boundaries. I don't know what to do. Tldr: My mother is just too much, I don't know what to do.
I think I foget how my teenager life once was.
Once, I almost hit one of our cats. She was bothering me when I tried to sleep and I shoved her away forcefully. There's also been a few times when I've thrown a cat down from my bunk bed. Every time, the cat didn't even do anything wrong, I was just angry about something else and took it out on them. I've probably traumatized them all because they run away whenever I approach. I've harmed my younger siblings too. When I was little, I used to push them to the ground and step on their heads for no reason. And even during my teen years, I've hit my sister a few times just because she was there when I was in a bad mood. I wish I knew how to make up for it. I've apologized to my siblings but that won't make them hurt less.
I'm fourteen and my penis is 17.25 centimeters ( 6.8 inches ) is that small?
I missed my teenage years because my parents expect me to act like them. As a kid, I stayed home in my house and kids are not invited in because my dad doesnt want them too. So i acquired an antisocial attitude until at my teenage years. Now Im in my 20s and i still feel like going back to my teens because I never had a social life in those times. When i was in high school, I wake up, go to classes, alone, then go home tired and sleep then do homework, social media where nobody talks to me then sleep. The cycle repeats everyday. Now its the same in college. Though a larger community, and when I approach people they were different, not a teenager mindset and I still am.. so im considered odd to them because I act like a teenager. But for me i feel like i was in a comma for so long woke up and suddenly people around me are different.. and as if i never changed. Just because I never had a social life in high school. And continues to be the same in college. Like now that im an adult and suddenly given a freedom, im adapting to my age how people my age act like but its honestly difficult. And i realized life does not exist without people around us. And all this time i was always been dead inside because life with people does exist as if i dont exist.
Its weird when I turned 21, it's when I stopped drinking and smoking all together.
Are Lego sets still popular? And do you think LEGO building sets/free build are relaxing or what’s your favorite relaxing hobby or stress relief hobby ?
Throughout my young childhood. I was abused sexually, verbally, emotionally, and physically by the people around me. I was seen as trash and a slut that could be used as a cock sleeve. Now I think of myself as a slut. I crave the feeling of being fucked because it's all I've known. I crave the pain that was given to me as a small child. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to experience the rape again. I'm a horrible person. I want to know what it's like to be forced again. I want to feel the pain of being held down as they use me. and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for exsisting. I hate myself for not fighting back because they told me they loved me. I hate myself for complying with what they asked, no matter how afraid I was. I hate living. I want to die.