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I lie because you really don't want to hear the truth!

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I whimper a lot...On the inside.....

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Singing along to Linkin Park songs :c

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I sometimes feel bad when I just didn't see the hints she gave me. She once openly told me she likes me and I just brushed it of with a laugh. Yup I'm an asshole. She wwasn't a bad girl. She took me everywhere she went. We were play mates and she used to come to my home to pick me up to go to her play area. We weren't even 16 but we could had been the best bf-gf ever if we had it together now. IDK what to do now. I'm finding everywhere I could for her now. I lost the touch with her when we became 18. She was sad then. I hope I find her.

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Sorry im goofy ive hit my head way to many times xD

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Summary: (because this is long and I know most people won’t read it) I’m a 16 year old male, I was kidnapped for 3 days at age 11, my captors did horrible things to me, and I don’t know how to deal with the trauma. We lived in a small neighborhood where everyone knew everyone. It was one of those neighborhoods built in the middle of the woods, so instead of having backyards with fences and everything, we just had the vast forest right behind our houses. Our next door neighbors were these two 20-ish year old brothers. I don’t remember exactly, but I think my dad told me it wasn’t really their house; it was their grandparent’s house but they were staying in it until they finished college. Then one day, my sister (who was 18 at the time) got in some sort of huge conflict with both of them. I don’t remember what it was about, (my memory blanks out a lot of things that happened before and after I was kidnapped) but the conflict ended up being a really big deal and the police arrived. After that, my parents told both of us to stay away from them. A week or so later, I was walking around the forest behind our house. It was 6pm, starting to get dark. I heard my name called, and the two brothers from next door were standing a few feet behind me. I remembered what my dad said about staying away from them, so I just waved and walked forward, but they followed me. So I walked deeper into the forest, trying to get them off my tail, but they still followed me, so I stopped walking and faced them. I realized they were drunk, and the taller one of the two told me to come with them, he said that they were going to show me something cool. I said no thanks and turned to walk away from them but the taller one gripped my upper arm and told me to come with them, more firmly this time. I was scared out of my mind. I told him to please let go of me, but he picked me up off my feet and carried me in the opposite direction. I started screaming and squirming around but then all I could see was a fist coming at me full speed, and then nothing. I must have blacked out. When I came to, it was night time, and I was by myself in some type of RV or a motorhome. It was parked by a lake I’d never been to before. I was panicking so much that it was hard to breathe. I sat down on the floor absolutely petrified for a long time. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to leave because I had no idea where I was, and afraid to stay because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I don’t know how long I was sitting there, but eventually the two brothers came inside with grocery bags in their hands, which I saw just contained alcohol and junk food. They told me not to worry and that this was all ‘’just a little prank’’ to scare my sister for that fight they had a week ago. They said they’d take me home later and that I should just relax. I was confused and upset. I hardly knew these guy even though they were my neighbors. They were practically strangers to me, but I cooperated out of fear. Then hours went by and they were extremely drunk and they were frightening me. It was getting late, around one in the morning, and I asked them to please take me home. I said that I was scared, and that I didn’t want to be a part of this prank anymore. I was crying, and one of them told me to ‘’shut the fuck up!’’ but I couldn’t stop sobbing, so then they...held my mouth open and forced alcohol down my throat ‘’to silence me.’’ I was only 11, so of course I vomited afterwards, and they yelled at me for making a mess in their RV and beat me until everything went dark. When I opened my eyes again, it was morning, and both of them were passed out on the sofas. I was in so much pain from the beating last night that it actually hurt to move at all. When the two of them woke up, I didn’t ask them to take me home. Didn’t ask them for food or water even though I hadn’t had any in over 15 hours, didn’t say anything. I just sat there, afraid to speak at all, afraid to move, afraid to make eye contact with them, afraid of everything, really. They left for most of the day, leaving me alone in the RV. While they were gone I drank tap water from the sink, but I didn’t eat because I worried they’d notice. They came back after dark, extremely drunk, and trash talked my sister. They called her a ‘’dirty whore’’ and ‘’a dumb ugly bitch.’’ They asked me if I agreed with them. I said no, and the taller one threw an unopened can of beer at me with extreme force. It hit my shoulder and it hurt so much, I was crying. He asked me again if I agreed with him, and I said yes. The next day, they left around noon and came back around eleven at night. They said that they were going to take me home now. So they took me to a car that was parked outside the RV and dropped me off two blocks away from my house and told me to walk myself home. Before they drove off, the taller one rolled down his window and said that if anyone asked where I was, I would make up a lie or he’d come find me and do the whole thing over again. Then they drove off, and when I got home, I cried hysterically in my dad’s arms for two hours straight. I told him everything that happened and that I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to get caught and I was just...so disturbed but so happy to be home. The neighbors were arrested the next day after my dad called the police. I’m 16 now, and the memories of those couple of days five years ago still haunt me. I have nightmares about it, I’m petrified of drunk people, of walking by myself, of anyone that resembles either of the two brothers that took me, of anyone walking behind me that looks like they might be following me. I was always a quiet kid, but after that, I hardly ever talk anymore. I’m such a mess and I don’t know how to get rid of this overwhelming paranoia. I don’t understand why my memory blanks out events that happened before and after the time I was kidnapped, but I remember the actual kidnapping as if it were yesterday. We can’t afford a therapist, and I know the two brothers are in jail, but I’m still scared all the time. I can’t talk about this to anyone. Not even my girlfriend. She thinks I just have anxiety because I'm always worrying and being extremely (but unintentionally) overprotective of her when I do things like telling her to be careful when she's walking alone, asking her to text me when she gets back home from my house to make sure she's okay, panicking if we're in a crowd and I lose sight of her for a second, etc, etc. But I can't tell her the real reason why I do those things. I try to, I want to, but I just can’t. It's too hard. I know it's annoying and unnecessary but I can’t help it. It sucks, and I’m worried I’ll never be a ‘normal’ person again.

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  • hope you're doing better. have you talked to anyone?

  • about the ‘forgetting events that happened before and after’ part. It’s something I read up on, I forgot the exact medical term so I’m calling it the ‘shock’ effect. This is basically the opposite of your mind locking away a memory that could possibly make you insane- instead, it secludes that memory making it difficult to think of anything that happened closely before or after the ‘shocking event’ (for lack of a better term) Your senses were probably on overdrive that your brain literally stopped working. The effect probably immortalised the memory in your brain as the memories you had probably went short circuit into short term. TL;DR It’s your brain literally shutting off and losing those memories.

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The First time i ejaculated my penis swelled up like a balloon...Is that normal?

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  • I don't know anything about eleven year olds dicks so I couldn't tell you.

  • is it normal that your confession is in this category?

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If i let myself feel...All i feel is pain...

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  • I am sorry you feel this, this type of feeling is not healthy, you should seek help or at least someone to talk to.

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Why did Chester have to die? :C

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  • I had a cat named Chester... he died too..

  • Drug withdrawal and his issues about being molested as a kid.

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My mom loves her manipulative, child-abusing father more than me and somehow I have to make peace with that. I don't have to accept it. I don't have to like it. But in order to maintain my sanity, I have to find it in me to let it go and live my life as best I can.

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