Sorry im goofy ive hit my head way to many times xD
Summary: (because this is long and I know most people won’t read it) I’m a 16 year old male, I was kidnapped for 3 days at age 11, my captors did horrible things to me, and I don’t know how to deal with the trauma. We lived in a small neighborhood where everyone knew everyone. It was one of those neighborhoods built in the middle of the woods, so instead of having backyards with fences and everything, we just had the vast forest right behind our houses. Our next door neighbors were these two 20-ish year old brothers. I don’t remember exactly, but I think my dad told me it wasn’t really their house; it was their grandparent’s house but they were staying in it until they finished college. Then one day, my sister (who was 18 at the time) got in some sort of huge conflict with both of them. I don’t remember what it was about, (my memory blanks out a lot of things that happened before and after I was kidnapped) but the conflict ended up being a really big deal and the police arrived. After that, my parents told both of us to stay away from them. A week or so later, I was walking around the forest behind our house. It was 6pm, starting to get dark. I heard my name called, and the two brothers from next door were standing a few feet behind me. I remembered what my dad said about staying away from them, so I just waved and walked forward, but they followed me. So I walked deeper into the forest, trying to get them off my tail, but they still followed me, so I stopped walking and faced them. I realized they were drunk, and the taller one of the two told me to come with them, he said that they were going to show me something cool. I said no thanks and turned to walk away from them but the taller one gripped my upper arm and told me to come with them, more firmly this time. I was scared out of my mind. I told him to please let go of me, but he picked me up off my feet and carried me in the opposite direction. I started screaming and squirming around but then all I could see was a fist coming at me full speed, and then nothing. I must have blacked out. When I came to, it was night time, and I was by myself in some type of RV or a motorhome. It was parked by a lake I’d never been to before. I was panicking so much that it was hard to breathe. I sat down on the floor absolutely petrified for a long time. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to leave because I had no idea where I was, and afraid to stay because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I don’t know how long I was sitting there, but eventually the two brothers came inside with grocery bags in their hands, which I saw just contained alcohol and junk food. They told me not to worry and that this was all ‘’just a little prank’’ to scare my sister for that fight they had a week ago. They said they’d take me home later and that I should just relax. I was confused and upset. I hardly knew these guy even though they were my neighbors. They were practically strangers to me, but I cooperated out of fear. Then hours went by and they were extremely drunk and they were frightening me. It was getting late, around one in the morning, and I asked them to please take me home. I said that I was scared, and that I didn’t want to be a part of this prank anymore. I was crying, and one of them told me to ‘’shut the fuck up!’’ but I couldn’t stop sobbing, so then they...held my mouth open and forced alcohol down my throat ‘’to silence me.’’ I was only 11, so of course I vomited afterwards, and they yelled at me for making a mess in their RV and beat me until everything went dark. When I opened my eyes again, it was morning, and both of them were passed out on the sofas. I was in so much pain from the beating last night that it actually hurt to move at all. When the two of them woke up, I didn’t ask them to take me home. Didn’t ask them for food or water even though I hadn’t had any in over 15 hours, didn’t say anything. I just sat there, afraid to speak at all, afraid to move, afraid to make eye contact with them, afraid of everything, really. They left for most of the day, leaving me alone in the RV. While they were gone I drank tap water from the sink, but I didn’t eat because I worried they’d notice. They came back after dark, extremely drunk, and trash talked my sister. They called her a ‘’dirty whore’’ and ‘’a dumb ugly bitch.’’ They asked me if I agreed with them. I said no, and the taller one threw an unopened can of beer at me with extreme force. It hit my shoulder and it hurt so much, I was crying. He asked me again if I agreed with him, and I said yes. The next day, they left around noon and came back around eleven at night. They said that they were going to take me home now. So they took me to a car that was parked outside the RV and dropped me off two blocks away from my house and told me to walk myself home. Before they drove off, the taller one rolled down his window and said that if anyone asked where I was, I would make up a lie or he’d come find me and do the whole thing over again. Then they drove off, and when I got home, I cried hysterically in my dad’s arms for two hours straight. I told him everything that happened and that I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to get caught and I was just...so disturbed but so happy to be home. The neighbors were arrested the next day after my dad called the police. I’m 16 now, and the memories of those couple of days five years ago still haunt me. I have nightmares about it, I’m petrified of drunk people, of walking by myself, of anyone that resembles either of the two brothers that took me, of anyone walking behind me that looks like they might be following me. I was always a quiet kid, but after that, I hardly ever talk anymore. I’m such a mess and I don’t know how to get rid of this overwhelming paranoia. I don’t understand why my memory blanks out events that happened before and after the time I was kidnapped, but I remember the actual kidnapping as if it were yesterday. We can’t afford a therapist, and I know the two brothers are in jail, but I’m still scared all the time. I can’t talk about this to anyone. Not even my girlfriend. She thinks I just have anxiety because I'm always worrying and being extremely (but unintentionally) overprotective of her when I do things like telling her to be careful when she's walking alone, asking her to text me when she gets back home from my house to make sure she's okay, panicking if we're in a crowd and I lose sight of her for a second, etc, etc. But I can't tell her the real reason why I do those things. I try to, I want to, but I just can’t. It's too hard. I know it's annoying and unnecessary but I can’t help it. It sucks, and I’m worried I’ll never be a ‘normal’ person again.
The First time i ejaculated my penis swelled up like a balloon...Is that normal?
If i let myself feel...All i feel is pain...
Why did Chester have to die? :C
My mom loves her manipulative, child-abusing father more than me and somehow I have to make peace with that. I don't have to accept it. I don't have to like it. But in order to maintain my sanity, I have to find it in me to let it go and live my life as best I can.
Tragedy follows me but i still have....Time...
When I was in elementary school there was this cubby that belonged to this kid, and it had an ant infestation. I was 8 or 9 and one of the other kids dared me to eat an ant. So I did. But I didn't just stop at one. I ate ant after ant while the class gathered around me, chanting my name. I ate half of that cubbyhole colony. I was a true hero that day.
So when I was a little kid I didn't even know that being gay was a thing. I just remember being 10 years old and having a crush on a boy in my class. I was home alone with my dad one day when I told him about the boy in my class and my feelings for him. My dad got angry and said that I was only allowed to have those types feelings toward girls, said that it was wrong and disgusting for a boy to feel that way towards another boy, said that it went against the laws of nature and that the heavens would punish me. I started crying and I said that I didn't think it was wrong and then he dragged me by the arm to my sister's room and opened her closet and told me to strip. I was confused and terrified but my dad had always been an aggressive disciplinarian so I did what he said. Then he dressed me in one of my sister's pink dresses with birds and clouds on it and made me look at myself in the mirror and asked me: ''is this who you are? are you a girl?'' And I shook my head and told him that I wasn't and started crying again. He said that if I'm not a girl I shouldn't act like one, boys like girls and girls like boys, end of discussion. After that, every time I was alone with him he would do the same thing. He would ask me if I still liked boys and when I said yes he would make me wear a dress and ask me if I was a girl until I was crying. That has to be the most humiliating thing I've ever been though. It really messed me up. But I'm an adult now. I've lost touch with my dad (which I don't mind) and I'm still gay and have a boyfriend who I love more than the world. But I also sometimes suffer from gender dysphoria because of what my dad did to me. I mean, I'm a guy and I don't want to be a girl, but the stuff my dad did to me still messes with my head sometimes.
Gotta luv Huge Jacked Man