I think it was my older sister who messed me up as a small child. She experimented with me sexually, allowing me to look at and feel her breasts and butt. I think she tried to get me to do things to her vag too, but I wasn't interested at that young age, although I enjoyed the former. Now I think I have a fetish towards relatives, including my older sister and my cousins. Is this something that I can get rid of? It sucks being attracted to these people because I can never risk acting on it.
As a young lad, i had a power only a few boys my age had. I attracted older girls, in a way that was illegal when you think about it. The sad part is that i never properly used what god gifted me with. I was, like i am today, too dense to realize. looking back at it now, its kinda funny, but i cant say i have no regrets. Man, i should have used my chance when i had it.
when I was younger I wanted to be spiderman, but as I grew up that quickly changed. for so long i could never imagine being the good guy. i much prefer the idea of being the bad guy. I find beauty in chaos as well as peace. A city on fire with a red sky beautiful. the night sky with lot of stars beautiful. I dont know what that means about me. I feel it should mean something.
A few times at school back then I would spill water on the floor and other times I would know it's there an not tell people just for the fun of it seeing if people would slip and spill there food and ruin there nice clothes 😂😂😂
when I was in school man I skipped alot of classes and at all different schools lol nobody cared It was like I was invisible I didn't get in trouble much, ah those were the days.
I hate that my family has low expectations of me like when I was sick one time they thought I was pregnant lol they really don't think I will go far in life and I think so too it meh.
I kind of wish Facebook didn't ask "What's on your mind, Caitlin?", because 14-17 year old me took it literally. Just a stream of randomness from my mind no one commented on or liked. And a shit ton of obnoxious stuff about my now ex boyfriend that makes me cringe. I think I posted one time that my remote's batteries were dead. Who cared? Seriously, who?
my mind is in shambles, so im just gonna write away. A mind is a fragile thing. A slight influence triggers a butterfly effect. Language and learning. Set from the beginning and developing a conciousness. Dreams answer questions we didnt ask and didnt even need an answer to. A wild sea turns into a softly babbling brook; somtimes leaving us in confusion of what to do next. Dull words and empty conclusions. Its painfully obvious that some things are that irrelevant. Every trip through our thoughts costs us. Are you willing to pay the price or will you wait until the fatigue gnaws you away? Still. Try and find what is blocked away by emotion and culture. Making sense; in that regard is not important. Oh my, write down what thou think you know. A puzzle with no correlation creating a picture to blind who observes only. Time is fluid, try to hold it, but youll fail. Try to drink up and you wont notice it passed through you. And end is nigh, but im not sure how ready i am.
I was reading through the diary I wrote when I was seven when I found a badly drawn sketch of a spiky ball going towards someone's vulva. There were also other doodles of girls getting cut in half with scissors (physically impossible lol) and getting groped. I'm disappointed in my past self.
I confess: After 8 years, I still don't know if the word "brisingr" from the Eragon series is pronounced "briss-een-grr" or "briss-inn-jur"