I don't know how I'm supposed to make it through life. Every day I wake up and then I'm just laying there, trying to gather the will and courage to get up and go to work. It's especially hard on Mondays, where I often am so miserable and afraid that I want to cry (I'm just too tired to do so). Then it's 8 hours of frequently looking at the clock and almost getting a break down because time passes so slowly. The only days that feel worth living are weekends. I know that some of you will tell me to get a new job, but it's not my job that sucks, not that itself. At least I think so; I can't imagine doing something else for a living. What really makes me so miserable is the whole human interaction connected with it. The pressure of not screwing up, of not looking stupid, interacting with bosses (which all of my colleagues are because I'm the newest). I seem to lack the natural understanding of what is appropriate and what is not, so I often get myself into awkward situations. I really hope that this will fade when the years pass, that I will become more experienced and therefore less afraid. But until then, every day will be torture.
Every time our hands brush, I can feel the electricity rushing into me like I'm being brought back to life. Every time you stand just a little too close, I feel your heat pulling me in like a magnet, begging me to wrap my arms around you. Anytime we work side by side, I see us operating like clockwork, moving in perfect, delicate harmony effortlessly and speechlessly. Loving you feels so natural, so right, like all the pieces are falling into place. Do you feel the same? Do you feel the exciting tension between us? Or am I imagining it?
I have a small crush on this girl at work. I doubt she's even remotely interested, and while there's a possibility of her being bi, it's not likely. But I'd like to get to know her and maybe be friends with her cause she seems really nice and like a cool person to hang out with. How do I do that? Should I send her a friend request on Facebook, or will that creep her out? Should I just invite her to go hang out, or is it weird if I come up out of nowhere to invite her somewhere? How do humans socialize?
Today was my birthday and the best thing that happend was that my coworker (teammate, we work as set team as paramedics and spend like 50 hours each week glued together) called me shortly after midnight. She told me I was the best shift Partner she could hope for and such things. The rest of my birthday was more or less depressing.... but I could not get her out of my head. This started some days ago as another coworker mentioned that he feels vibes between us, and wanted to know if there is more, and as I declined, he asked if I would be interessted in more, I must have smiled in a way that answered all his questions. He thinks we would match good.... But even before that moment I started thinking more and more about my coworker, she is my little princess, and she knows that. All in all it feels like I am getting feelings for her, I stopped searching for love half a year ago and now that..... but I don't know how to behave now... I made not a single good experience with women in my life. I am still a virgin at 24 now, all women I came closer to played with my feelings and I have trust issues. I trust my little princess , but I don't trust myself, and I don't know how much of my feelings are a result of beeing lonely all my life......
In less than a month, a change in the administration is going to happen, and I have been developed an eating disorder these past months, I wake up at 2 am over a dream in which my boss said that the labor contract negotiations have gone wrong after a good deal, because a co-worker starts to yell at the table that was so unfair... I just to eat something just to fill the stress and the fear of not knowing what is going to happen.
Today at work I was looking over some applications for trainee positions, and when I read that the first applicant was born in 2002, I thought what the hell, why is a 5 year old applying for a job? Then I realized. I'm old now.
I hate when I'm trying to talk to a customer, they start talking over me, so I stop and let them talk, then they say "Hello?! Are you still there?". Yes, I was just letting you talk. Are you going to say something or can I say the thing I've been trying to say?
Is it really that hard to resign? I mean, they kept telling me to rethink of my decision. Even if I already gave my final answer, they're pursuing me not.
I hate feeling this alone. I'm in a house full of people, but due to our opposing schedules, I feel just so... isolated. Third shift life sucks. I hate being by myself all the time. I miss my family and my friends. But I don't have any other options right now.
I love how the store manager show hospitality to the walk in customers whe he doesn't have to, helping carrying some trays in a self service restaurant, even going out and bringing us some tid bits. Most of the time, they are either hiding in the back or doing some book keeping or the most just say hi and do some marketing. This kind of attitudes is so rare .