I am feeling the urge to write again.
it has been almost 6 months since i actually felt nice and confident; this is mostly my fault because i haven't been productive at all and my training is way behind
Some days I wish I could stop biting my tongue and just let loose with every fucking thing that crosses my mind, unleash the emotions I'm really feeling instead of hiding behind a blank mask. I wish I could tell them how much I hate the way they act and the things they do and how I'm so fucking sick of being around people who don't give a shit about anyone or anything but themselves. Then I remember I'd have to see them again the next day, and the next day, and the next, until I leave this job or until they all do, and it would only make my life hell to say all of this. So I keep my mouth shut and focus on getting my job done.
I was told a long time ago, that I was an irksome person. Its been 22 years and still in business.
I would love to skip.work today, but I am saving that for a better reason.
I have a traditional asian parents and it's very difficult to deal with them. Today I got so fed off, because they tell this and that. I'm already 23 and they told me to stay at home and help them pay for the rent. But I wanted to leave because I wanted to save my own money because it all goes to them in the first place. I got fed of because my salary all goes to my mom then my dad asks for extra. And today I got so fed off because I have no more money for my college tuition and the money I gave them, they gave it away to my cousins in the philippines who never try to get a job and do something. Like for god sakes?!?!?!? I worked my ass off with that money!!!! I'm still in college and those cousins of mine, they graduated and they sleep around and have time to get married and no time to get a job?? My parents, pay for the rent, pay this and that and take my money too! Like fuck that, I told my parents they're not their parents! Their parents should help them! So I left the house, now my cousins asks me for money and literally, I called them and yelled at them. ANd I don't care if I have a bad reputation on them, what their doing is bad in the first place. I hate them. I hate how lazy they are. I know it's hard to get a job in Manila, but how come my best friend got a job and she have the same qualifications and college degree as them?? And I hate cultural part of the philippines. Sory to say that but its soo awful!
It's soooo difficult for me to start something. Like literally my heart pounds and I get headaches. Then once I start it, I always wonder how I was able to manage to start and continue. And my work always consist fo computer work and while working my head always hurts. And everytime I use a computer, I always end up going to email, Facebook, then this, then Youtube which will then take away my whole day. I already put my phone away but I use my computer more than my phone and it's hard.
I left work early, because I felt my anxiety surface. People around me were loud, while I was trying to work. I am usually a workaholic. I just couldn't do it, today. Glad I left. I needed some peace.
i feel like i took a leap of faith by choosing to not to go to college. but it's so hard to work on your own like this. i understand now why people go to college, but i think i still won't go.
My boss is my age (a few months younger, actually) and he's really cute. I'll never date him while he's my boss simply because that's unprofessional, but if he ever ends up just being my friend and not my coworker... I'd probably ask him out.