yesterday I was in zoom with 30 engineering students and experts while I was talking I was playing with a measuring tape so I accidentally hit my eye with that shit I want to disappear 4ever
I wish I could tell some coworkers how I really feel. Nothing mean or hateful towards them. Just "D, please stop taking the rubberbands off the bags. Without those bands, the whole stack of bags will fall off. Please, for the love of crap, keep them on there". And "N, please don't stand around playing on your phone all night at closing time when there's stuff to get done. Help clean the registers, take the trash out, sweep, straighten things up, refill our spray bottles and bags, something. There's always stuff to do, just pick something. On the off chance everything is done, find a manager and ask what they want help with. I guarantee there's something in this store that needs work. It's not fair that everyone else helps out and you're not. It's not fair that I'm cleaning all the registers, taking out the trash, and putting stuff back on the shelves while you play on your phone and talk for the last hour. If the new hires can contribute more than their fair share, I know you can". But I can't say these things to them because I'm not their manager. I also hate confrontation and people not liking me after I speak up. So I just quietly do my work and pray they figure it out themselves and change.
I don't want to be the best in everything...I'm sick of it...they don't understand!!! no one is perfect...lemme rest!!!!
I have ocd. it is stupidly obnoxious that people say they have ocd because they see "satisfying videos", look at "uncomfortable posts" or have a nice handwriting... thats not ocd they don't fucking know the struggles and anxiety we ocds have to go through
I have a job interview scheduled for Friday at Tom Thumb
I keep having flashbacks that happened a year ago. I was angry because these peopls attacked me and thinks all I did was all I have done wrong. In a random times of the day I just have a sudden flashbacks and it stops me from doing all the things I am doing. It's hard because I'm too hurt and too angry and I don't understand why I can't let go. I just want to revenge on them and make their lives miserable. But I can't. I tried going to the therapist but all she did was make me feel guilty that I was late for my appointment or something. Little things and it's not helping that I'm just dealing everything on my own. Idk anymore what to do. I want these people's lives miserable. I feel weak, I feel depressed and anxious. I am most of all angry of this world.
I'm always the first person in the office everyday, so I've started pulling a hair out of my ass and putting it on my boss' keyboard every single morning - because why not.
So fucking tired. Don't want to do anything.
i got tapped like 10 times today in bjj between 2 classes. but also i almost got my first armbar, the teacher taught me yesterday and i already used it on a roll, the time ended otherwise i think maybe i would get it :p also i got double legged and hit the floor so hard i saw stars for a second.. im losing more brain cells from bjj than in most of kickboxing and taekwondo sparrin... people who say theres no brain damage in bjj are lying trough their teeth lol. but its just too fun, i cant stop. i cant wait to learn kimuras, Rose's favourite submission Coach complimented me at morning practice , and also my friend told me after i left afternoon practice he complimented me as well :p he said i learn fast. i feel good even tho i got beat up in practice i can feel how im progressing and not stagnant anymore without my art i am sad
I rip off an ass hair and put it on my Boss's laptop keyboard whenever he's out of the office at least once a week.