Today i woke up pretty early and got an appointment for my job interview, which i am really exited and really nervous about. for a change, i made breakfast. not only was it relatively healthy for a change, but it was also quite good, plus i didnt made a mess out of the kitchen like i usually do when i cook. And on top of all that, when i looked out of my open window, i saw big fluffy flakes of snow falling from the sky. And this made me think. Maybe this will be the change i so desperatly needed in my life. I often got told that i would have depression, and that i need help. But i know for a fact, that thats not true. You cant cure depression, but you can cure a shitty life, and i may have found the remedy. I still got a bit of time before i have to start my old job for the last few months this year again. So i can get my drivers license, get the job for september, and finish a piece of work i started last year. This is the first time i can say this is it without suicidal intend.
So....I quit my job :D
I was given a job responsibility I didn't want. Other people think it's great, but I don't like it at all.
I have an exam in something that I know nothing about oh God make it easy please!
My boss said he could teach me 'intimacy' thats weird rite?
I knew my crush supposedly had a secret girlfriend- but since I heard this from someone else, not him, I've been skeptical about the validity of the statement. But I had an idea of who it was and why it would be best to keep it on the down low. And today, I saw them together outside of work, and she was riding in his car. She lives pretty far away from our side of town, so she had no reason to be riding with him... unless she was going home with him. I mean it's possible that she had car trouble and he was giving her a ride despite the distance because he's just a very kind person, and he's given rides to several people who lived way out of his way. But they've been friends for a while now, and they have really good chemistry despite her being a wild rebel and him being a reserved goody two shoes. Don't get me wrong, I think she's great and I even consider her my friend. One of the few people at work that I'd hang out with outside of work. But seeing them together made me feel sick to my stomach. Knowing that the whole time I thought he might be flirting with me, he was probably actually waiting for her to get promoted so that she didn't work in his area anymore. Knowing that the whole time I was trying to get him to realize how important he is to me, he was probably trying to get her to realize how important she is to him. I'm happy for them, I really am. I just... feel so shattered. So stupid. I can't believe I thought someone like him would actually like someone like me, especially when my competition is a smart, funny girl who is also literally a model. Even I think she's hot. I just wanted to vent my feelings here because even though I wish them the best, I can't help but hurt inside, and I don't know who to talk to about this.
I hate my job so much that I don't know how to stand it. I've already tried multiple different occupations and every one was worse than the other one. I know, I know. I should keep trying new things until I find something that's right for me. But the reality is that you can't keep quitting job traineeships, I already had a hard enough time getting accepted in my current one because it's hard to convince an employer that you will stay with him If you've quit so many before. There's also the social pressure that's crippling me and is making me feel even more like an absolute failure. The worst thing is that I know what I want, but there doesn't seem to be a profession that meets all my priority expectations, so there's always that one thing that absolutely sucks and makes my life hell but the alternative isn't better, it's just a different hell. I'm difficult, I know that, but what can I do? I don't know. I'll just stay in this one and see how long I can make it before I shut down.
I have this co-worker whom I always caught staring at me. I approached him once and asked him, "Hey, dude! Any challenges or problems you wanna share?" but he just shook his head. One time during our lunch break, while I'm eating my meal with my 'closer' friends... He'd normally eat with his friends, but then he cam asking if he can join us. Well, we are workmates, so we said 'yes'. He stares at me blankly and confused. He seems to have a question on his face like 'Hey, can I sit beside you?'. So, I moved a little. Guess what?? He sat next to me happily. (weird, isn't it?) My daily routine after eating my meal is going to the Mini Stop store and buy myself a soda, and then go directly in-front of Robinsons Supermarket (it's 2am.. they are closed, and it's a little dark in there) to enjoy my soda while playing mobile games or browsing facebook. I got startled when someone groans "yo" out of nowhere. He stand right befor me and asked "Can I?" Then I realized that it's him again... no other than but Marc. I answered "sure! no problem." Then he sat right next to me. I heard him say "Hey.." after some minutes of silence. "Yes? Anything that bothers you?" I responded. He said this in a total mess, without a pause like an EK gun being fired, and then walk away like a boss... "You know what, I have this weird feeling for you since that day you helped me out with that call. I don't know but my life just become happier when you're around. I feel no worries everytime you're near or whenever I see you smile, even if you're not smiling at me. I know that this is really weird, and I don't really know why or how. I also know that you'll find this weird or a sort like a shit, but I am saying it anyway. I don't expect you to say anything or respond to me with whatever, I just wanna let you know what I feel because I am bothered too. I am so much bothered that I like you but you just seem to ignore me." I was like 'what the hell did he say?' Seriously?
I don't want to drive to work. I want to work from home.
at work super bored, guess ill start pacing back and forth