I work at a union factory job. I like it there. And as a hobby, I do art on the side. The people at work have found out about this, and now every time some art-related event comes up... 10 different people feel the need to tell me about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that they think I'm actually good at art (I'm not) and it's nice of them to tell me about things they think I'll be interested in... but this also leads to me getting roped in to doing things I don't really want to do. For example: one of our beloved employees is retiring this month after 30 some odd years of service to our company. And they asked me to draw her a kind of poster for everyone to sign. I say "asked", but really, they just assumed I'd do it and told me to. And I love her to death and I'm happy to make something for her, but they only gave me two weeks' notice for an 18" x 24" piece, and I work all week, so I only have weekends to work on it, and last weekend something more urgent came up. So I now have to get this project done in two days. I hate this. I hate the pressure on me. I hate knowing that every person in my building will see this drawing and be analyzing and judging it. I hate that I didn't even get to decide what to draw, my mom completely commandeered the project; I'm just the pen and she's the author. (My mom works with me at this place.) So I'm not very passionate about this piece because it's not what I want to do. I feel like my creativity is being stifled. I hate that I'm just a machine to bring other people's ideas to life because they can't get it out on paper. I hate that my own ideas drown in the sea of other people telling me what to do, not just in art, but in life in general. I just hate it.
I've had days lately where I wish I could just call out from work for the day. It's just, I hate my job some days. I hate the pressure. I hate being yelled at by mean customers. The anxiety and depression is getting to me. I'm having one of those days now. But I can't afford to lose hours on my check. I just want to cry and not get ready for work. My supervisor doesn't know I have issues with anxiety and depression so I'd have to tell her if I call out.
There's this guy that I like, all because he has a fierce eyes. His eyes look like a mountain lion's eyes in the sun. I took a pic of him in black and white filter once which he likes. Somehow his eyes were like diamonds and I like the fact that he looks like a vampire. I think it is sexy. Personality wise, he's a bit awkward but he's chill and intellectual and he gets my curiosity in terms of everything and also is easy going and likes adventures. He's not muscular and all but he's descent and I like him a lot. But he's my closest friend and colleague at work especially its an academic setting. I can't really date him though....
I have to get my boss off my head. She's 42 but damn she is looking great! She works out a ton (I know that because she talks about gym all the time) and takes very good care of her skin and hair and all that. And I can't get her off my head, I'm going crazy!
Today i woke up pretty early and got an appointment for my job interview, which i am really exited and really nervous about. for a change, i made breakfast. not only was it relatively healthy for a change, but it was also quite good, plus i didnt made a mess out of the kitchen like i usually do when i cook. And on top of all that, when i looked out of my open window, i saw big fluffy flakes of snow falling from the sky. And this made me think. Maybe this will be the change i so desperatly needed in my life. I often got told that i would have depression, and that i need help. But i know for a fact, that thats not true. You cant cure depression, but you can cure a shitty life, and i may have found the remedy. I still got a bit of time before i have to start my old job for the last few months this year again. So i can get my drivers license, get the job for september, and finish a piece of work i started last year. This is the first time i can say this is it without suicidal intend.
So....I quit my job :D
I was given a job responsibility I didn't want. Other people think it's great, but I don't like it at all.
I have an exam in something that I know nothing about oh God make it easy please!
My boss said he could teach me 'intimacy' thats weird rite?
I knew my crush supposedly had a secret girlfriend- but since I heard this from someone else, not him, I've been skeptical about the validity of the statement. But I had an idea of who it was and why it would be best to keep it on the down low. And today, I saw them together outside of work, and she was riding in his car. She lives pretty far away from our side of town, so she had no reason to be riding with him... unless she was going home with him. I mean it's possible that she had car trouble and he was giving her a ride despite the distance because he's just a very kind person, and he's given rides to several people who lived way out of his way. But they've been friends for a while now, and they have really good chemistry despite her being a wild rebel and him being a reserved goody two shoes. Don't get me wrong, I think she's great and I even consider her my friend. One of the few people at work that I'd hang out with outside of work. But seeing them together made me feel sick to my stomach. Knowing that the whole time I thought he might be flirting with me, he was probably actually waiting for her to get promoted so that she didn't work in his area anymore. Knowing that the whole time I was trying to get him to realize how important he is to me, he was probably trying to get her to realize how important she is to him. I'm happy for them, I really am. I just... feel so shattered. So stupid. I can't believe I thought someone like him would actually like someone like me, especially when my competition is a smart, funny girl who is also literally a model. Even I think she's hot. I just wanted to vent my feelings here because even though I wish them the best, I can't help but hurt inside, and I don't know who to talk to about this.