I currently hate my work so much that I cry literally every day. I don't know how to make it through the next hour, let alone next few months. The thing is, I'll only be here for the next few months. Then I'll be referred to the workplace I actually want to work at, so it wouldn't make any sense to quit. I already tried everything, I tried negotiating with my boss, tried to talk to my co-workers about the things that are bugging me, but there's no point. Things are as they are. I can't even take my holiday leave or a sick leave during those months, because then I'd risk losing the position. I have to sit through it. Somehow.
So this strange little (woman?) At my office with blue hair and a nose ring was saying how much "cooler" she was than my buddy because he wears (boring) suit. I couldn't help thinking back to when I was in a punk band. Years ago an old bandmate had just got off tour with Warped and we were discussing how our new band would dress on stage. He was wearing emo skinny jeans to let you know how long ago this is. We all came to the conclusion that pierced noses and dyed hair was so retro we would be a laughing stock. Like the people we're trying to flip off must be dead by now. Most of us had sleeve tats and gauges at that point. It was already passe. I just can't help thinking this woman fell through a time warp. Like maybe her email address ends in @aol.com?
l want to be tickled .
People are fucking ridiculous today. If you rant and scream and cuss at me, I'm done helping you. I've told you everything I can do, screaming at me isn't solving anything. I don't give a damn how smart you say you are. I don't give a damn what you do for a living because it sure as hell isn't relevant here. I don't care. I don't even care about your lawyers because what you're ranting about isn't worth the legal fees. You are just a loud jackass and I hope you get explosive diarrhea. I hope you piss off someone and they slip an extra strength laxative in your food.
I wonder if the honey extension is as good as it claims to be
I've been so deprived from male attention/interaction that I've had these two mini crushes on my two male co-workers - and they're not even my "type". They're good people, just not anyone I would ever in my right mind actually, romantically like. I think my brain is clouding over with desperation. I need help.
Sometimes I think that I might be actually mentally handicapped. Only slightly, but still. I have unnaturally low social skills. I am unable to hold eye contact. I almost get panic attacks when someone, even family, touches me. In stressful situations my mind shuts down so much that I can't even solve 2+4, and I mean that literally, with zero exaggeration. Even in situations without stress I often think or do so incredibly stupid things that I wonder if I've been dropped on the head as a baby. I am clumsy, but not in a cute way; I sometimes run into street lamps because I somehow don't manage to coordinate my feet and eyes. If I don't look at my feet while walking, I feel like walking with my eyes closed; I've been told that people actually look straight ahead while walking...? I could name more examples, but I am probably already boring you, so... in conclusion, it's all very small things, and nobody ever noticed because I do well in life, I have a degree and people see me as simply shy and clumsy. And I don't know if I'm paranoid or if something's wrong with me.
I have a list of research, labs, volunteers, clubs, and class plans but really, my mind wants is to get treatment for my mental health. I wanna just be in a hospital and have a learning time for why im feeling crappy... metaphorically speaking, i feel like my strings are tied up to a hand clock that keeps moving and i have to be dragged along with it or else id be dragged onto an cemented ground and my ass just get bruised up. I dont know when to feel like those string are cut off or when doesthat time freezes while i take time to breath.... im fucking tired of life and the carried expectations i brought up to myself because i chose a career that i love yet super demanding... im happy at the same time im not.... mostly im empty and tired... what is life???
I dont like sweets and I love the taste of veggies.. It's odd because sweets are naturally attractive to human taste and veggies aren't. I mean bitter taste are the best but sweets are pretty eww
Yesterday I had a poop so big it wouldn't flush. I flushed twice and it just wouldn't go down. I probably could blame the low flow toilets, but that was honestly the King Kong of turds. One of those where my belly hurt so much before and instantly felt better. The janitor came in right after I left. I'm sorry Willy, I didn't know what to do. But I went back later and the out of order sign wasn't on the stall so it must've went down somehow. There were a couple of other girls who left the bathroom at the same time as me so hopefully he doesn't know which one of us left that surprise.