I've already come on here a few times complaining about how much I hate my job and my manager because it's driving me insane. I've thought about quitting so many times, but I don't have a backup if I do and finding a job is so fucking hard. Nevertheless, I'm thinking about finally just doing it. Fuck if I'll be broke after, I rather be broke than putting up with all that bullshit. I've put off leaving long enough, and it's just getting more and more unbearable as time goes on.
My finance wants kids, but I don't. I now have to decide whether I one day will agree to have kids, or the marriage is not gonna happen. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to lose the love of my life - that's the very selfish reason for why I would actually agree to have a child. But from a moral point of few, I think this is a very wrong reason for bringing a life into this world. On the other hand, everyone I've talked to about it (who, I fairly have to say, all are much too keen to become grandparents or uncles to be unbiased) says that it won't matter, because once I'm holding the baby in my arms, I won't care whether I initially wanted it or not. I'm lost. Also, what if I say no and in a few years suddenly want it, and then I regret breaking up?
Are there normal women who WANT to have babies anymore? My friends and I were discussing odd women who call themselves "Dog Moms." They claim they are happy but the dog is clearly a substitute for a child. Stroller and all. Lady, if you weren't mounted by Scooby Doo, and pushed this thing out, that isn't your "Furbaby." Then it came up on the news that a Swedish minister was calling Hungarians Nazis Because of a policy to make it cheaper & more accessible to have children. Saying "Women fought to free themselves of this." Taken alone I would assume it's just crazy cat-lady talk. Sour grapes. I recall in Middle School girls would call me up and say, "I want to have your baby." Sex was secondary, a baby was priority #1. Did I miss a memo? Don't try to tell me your career is so "fulfilling." I'm typing this at work because corporate drudgery is meaningless and unfulfilling.
Being someone who doesn't drink alcohol you constantly get asked why but not accepting the answer, people try to pressure you into drinking over and over, make fun of you, make it their little game to get you to drink tonight. But try reversing the whole thing, ask people why they drink, tell them with every drink they get that they shouldn't, make it your little game to pressure everyone into not drinking... things escalate pretty quickly. It was a fun family party for me, though I'm now in a mild fighting state with some distant relatives
I missed the feeling of having a boyfriend. It's been 7 years since the last time I'm in a relationship. Wow. Even me shocked.
I don't dress to impress guys. I dress to impress myself....so that I can impress them with my confidence. Learning to love myself here :)
I confess that even now, after all these years, I still love the train wreck that is Twilight. I know it's not exactly the pinnacle of great writing, but I love it anyway.
I was in my professor's office to ask for a question about chemistry. In a civil conversation, he gave out a good analogy but came out very wrong ( I can't say the actual topic since it was chemistry specific...) but his analogy was talking about nails and twisting it in a metal hole and how it was about twisting and pushing and squeezing and etc. and putting nails in a wrong hole or something. His gestures came out wrong as well and he noticed it too.. I think That was the day before valentine's day which got even more awkward.. He laughed a bit but I pretend I'm innocent and didn't mind it but really in my mind I was laughing so hard! I was about to express my cracked up laughter. But it's kinda uncomfortable as well because he's a dude and I'm a girl and I'm actually kinda conservative and that was weird for me but it was funny.. Man that office help just switched from chemistry to sex. ed all of a sudden but now at least I won't forget it.
He loved me at the point where I was not confident with myself. I love him now, at the point where he's tired of waiting on me.
It feels if I've been dead for the last 6 months.