I suffer from depression and my friends don't know. I just want to die so the pain stops. I take 6 separate meds just to function normal and still is not enough.
My boyfriend went to an open interview/job fair event at the place where we used to work. They denied him because he worked there two years ago and was fired for attendance because he got sick during training. He had the stomach flu! He was throwing up. Since the bathroom is halfway across the building from the training room, and you have to go through the break room where people eat, you really don't want someone throwing up there. People who were fired for misconduct and fraud got to come back after a year. I knew a girl who either quit or got fired, but still got to come back to the same project because her mom is a manager. I was fired for not meeting sales metrics for months and they still told me to reapply for another project in only 2 months. It's been well over 2 years and the attendance from illness was the only issue. The only reason he was in training at the time (and had stricter attendance rules) was because the project he was working for ended and they had to move everyone from that project to something else. He had no control over that and barely any warning it was happening. Good riddance to them. I'm never going back, unless it's the absolute last resort.
I hate the news now. It leads you into a spiral of depression because that's what gets clicks. I open up CNN, and there is a picture of corpses that can be abused for political purposes. Against all journalistic ethics, btw. Carefully arranged and dragged into prime lighting by some corpse humping vultures. Much like the kid in Turkey who drowned, or the one bombed in Syria that was used as an excuse to bomb Assad, despite the fact his family were Assadists. So I figured screw CNN, I'd go read the Sun UK. Woman filled her son's backpack full of rocks and tied his hand to hers to drown him to punish the boy's dad for divorcing her. Then I went to the comments. One fellow had a similar situation where his wife cheated on him, drowned their infant son, and tried to frame him. Crap dammit. I pride myself as a kinda guy who doesn't do this to himself. There is no sane reason to expose yourself to all this downer Blackpill garbage. It will only make me more depressed. I've got to stop exposing myself to this shit. I need to be more like Richard Simmons in the 90s. That dude was a living White pill. Every day spent making people's lives better and as a result he was surrounded by happy people.
Most dreams are neither good nor bad. They're just weird. At least mine.
I need ways to help me not get so fustrated so fast. I feel bad because I have a 1 year old and another baby on the way who will be here in like less then 2 months. Ive been so stressed and tired leterally this whole pregnancy. I have grown up with a short tempered parent and its not fun. I dont want that for my kids..
I love writing, and force myself to write at least a page perday. But these days, I just sitting in front of my laptop and digging a deep hole inside my head with nothing comes up, like my brain being dried up for no reason. Maybe I don't get much inspiration, maybe I just not in the mood. I don't know. And it's obviously start to driving me crazy!!
I’m 20 and I don’t think I will ever go on a date. Even online conversations get my anxiety to a level where I have no clue what to reply, and after every message I send, I’m convinced that the guy has had enough of me and won’t text back. But even if he does, I get anxious because I feel like he’s hoping for something he will never find, and would eventually get disappointed and leave. Every time I give myself one more try, I get back into the same cycle and prove to myself how inadequate I am all over again. I hear people saying they feel more comfortable when they chat online, and I feel pathetic for being the only one that doesn’t.
As a young child, I remember looking at myself in the mirror a lot. It wasn't because I thought I was good looking or ugly. I just sat in front of it and couldn't believe that the person I saw was me. I just observed myself. I ate in front of it and learned my quirks when i ate. Moving my hands around was amusing to me. Practing at talking was what i did the most. I later learned at school that facial expression was inportant. It made me practice them in front of the mirror. I am now able to control my face to be a blank slate or show an emotion very clearly. I still kinda practice in the mirror. Good times.
Recommend me your favorite song at the moment.
i wish someone, anyone would tell me they love me, or at least thought about me. i really needed it