I don't know what brought it on, but my depression has suddenly come back full force after lying dormant for so long... I feel awful. I feel so alone and unwanted. All these terrible whispers keep intruding into my mind, telling me I'm worthless and everyone would be better off with me dead. I hate feeling this way. I know it's not true. ...Right?
I work at a union factory job. I like it there. And as a hobby, I do art on the side. The people at work have found out about this, and now every time some art-related event comes up... 10 different people feel the need to tell me about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that they think I'm actually good at art (I'm not) and it's nice of them to tell me about things they think I'll be interested in... but this also leads to me getting roped in to doing things I don't really want to do. For example: one of our beloved employees is retiring this month after 30 some odd years of service to our company. And they asked me to draw her a kind of poster for everyone to sign. I say "asked", but really, they just assumed I'd do it and told me to. And I love her to death and I'm happy to make something for her, but they only gave me two weeks' notice for an 18" x 24" piece, and I work all week, so I only have weekends to work on it, and last weekend something more urgent came up. So I now have to get this project done in two days. I hate this. I hate the pressure on me. I hate knowing that every person in my building will see this drawing and be analyzing and judging it. I hate that I didn't even get to decide what to draw, my mom completely commandeered the project; I'm just the pen and she's the author. (My mom works with me at this place.) So I'm not very passionate about this piece because it's not what I want to do. I feel like my creativity is being stifled. I hate that I'm just a machine to bring other people's ideas to life because they can't get it out on paper. I hate that my own ideas drown in the sea of other people telling me what to do, not just in art, but in life in general. I just hate it.
Girls are frustrating xd
I can't be happy when two people I know get together. It's not jealousy. It's just everyone's delighted and so happy for them. Makes me wanna puke.
What do you call in English women that are both sleazy and trashy, usually a bit fat or very skinny? They are sexually alluring somehow. In my country we called them pigs, female pigs to be exact. Only that in my native language it's just one word.
I've reached in my sessions with my psychologist an impass. There's problems I have that can't be solved word's but with actions. I'm just too scared of life that I can't push through the difficulties I encounter and don't even try. I've become a extremely lazy man because of this.
We humans are nothing but a fungus that exists in a big rock.
how odd is it that I’m antisocial as fuck but hate how I feel like I have no one
I've had days lately where I wish I could just call out from work for the day. It's just, I hate my job some days. I hate the pressure. I hate being yelled at by mean customers. The anxiety and depression is getting to me. I'm having one of those days now. But I can't afford to lose hours on my check. I just want to cry and not get ready for work. My supervisor doesn't know I have issues with anxiety and depression so I'd have to tell her if I call out.
I feel I’m going to get stuck in an obsessive loop I hope I can convince myself otherwise before it happens :(