I can not be myself because of a standard withheld above me... Its not a standard I can fight and it's understandable but it's a standard I have to hold to hold a voice in people's lives and be the example and change the world needs... But I just want to be myself with everyone... Not just a few people.... I want to be consistently me and not shifting... Does that mean I have to change?? Or does that mean I need to have more confidence that the me I am can match the standards I have to uphold (to make something clear the standards I'm under are not tyrannical or oppressive they are necessary and reasonable and the principles should be respected it's just difficult to be held accountable to such)
all I want is for you to be happy.
My relationship is going through a rough patch and I'm afraid we won't make it out of it. We both still have feeling for each other but we have developed in different ways over the last couple of years. I'm devastated, we built a life together...we're talking about our issues but I don't know if it'll be enough..
people who support Biden when asked why they support Biden: "Trump has ruined our country! he's the reason we're all poor, he's the reason covid exists, he's the reason for everything bad happening. we need Biden to fix things" Biden supporters when Trump supporters tell them Biden had decades to make a difference and did nothing: "well of course he didn't do anything before, he's only one person there's way too many people in Congress and Senate he had to work with in order to make changes" if you don't want a dictator then don't put all the blame and responsibilities on one person... Trump, Obama, Bush, Clinton, they all had other people in government with them. none of them are the sole cause of anything. that's the way America works. just because Trump is the face in current power doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants... things still get voted on. lots of things he wanted to do didn't get done because the opposition stopped him and vice versa. most of the things he has "enforced" were already laws put in place by previous government officials. people like Biden who have had a say every year for decades yet nothing has been done. just because you aren't the president doesn't mean you don't have a say.
I was anorexic and bulimic as a teen, but I somehow never quite fit into it. I would binge food and be okay with it, then avoid it the next few weeks. Now I'm an adult and these toughts have been triggered again. My current boyfriend knows I struggled with food, but not how. He is tall and naturally skinny. Sometimes he has lunch and the next time he eats would be lunch on the next day, because he just wasn't hungry. I think about food 60% of the time and got so angry at myself last night, because I was hungry again while he wasn't. I hate it and I hate myself. Right now I just don't want to eat, but simultaneously I think about all the stuff I could bake or cook and enjoy. I want to stay strong and eat nothing. Show him, how I can be. If I give in and have some food, he couldn't take me seriously right? I couldn't take myself seriously. I would look like a joke in front of both of us.
I keep my nails long and sharp. Not because I think it's pretty or because I like it. I keep them like that so I can punish and hurt myself. Nobody suspects a thing.
I don't know why but I been having the sexual urges the past few days to just suck someone off. I have dreams sometimes because I want too, I want to try different ways & get better & better but I don't understand it because I'm not ever in a "sexy mood" I just feel like I want to give head. I don't know if this is a normal urge or what. but I've been married 2 years and my husband is in the military and don't see him often. which is why I think I constantly have day & night dreams about it. I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I don't want to be judged or "slut shamed" but keeping it built up makes me confused if I should act on it or ignore it.
I'm not a pathological liar but it scares me sometimes how fast i can come up with realistic-legit-sounding bullshit on the spot like that when I'm being confronted
Happy New Year! I hope you all stay as safe as possible and love one another! Best wishes for 2021! 😊❤🤗
its hardly been 5 hours for me into the new year. and I already have my first regret. good job me.