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i have a bad sickening feeling in my gut, i hope its not true

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I just what to scream and scream at nothing. I want to just hit anything and leave it looking so terrible and unrecognizable. I have so much pent up angry and there is no amount of therapy, talking or super fucking aggressive sex that will fix it.

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this has been on my mind for as long as i remember (a bit tmi) but i cant shake over the fact that some people uses ONLY toilet paper to wipe their ass, like how?? i feel like that just takes so much time as opposed to just use a toilet spray hose, it's faster it's convenient and it actually leaves you CLEAN. i went to france once and i was actually traumatised how they just used toilet papers, at least turkey had a bidet, thank god cause i was this close to not going because i thought they havent. my friend had the exact same problem when studying abroad, she couldn't stand just using papers so she carries plastic water bottles with the pull push cap around everywhere she goes. honestly, the toilets are actually huge factors to me when travelling, if they dont have a spray or at least a bidet, im not going

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  • Being sprayed with water is only marginally better. People love to go 'if you got poop on yoor arm would just wipe it off and decide its clean?!' like no, but spraying water on it wouldn't make it clean either. You'd need soap for that. I don't see anyone soaping their rectum after each poop.

  • I don't use water simply because it feels uncomfortable... Maybe it WOULD be more hygienic to, but using just paper hasn't caused any problems like infections. I do make sure to wipe until I see no dirt on the paper, it doesn't take very long.

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I wanna fuck her so bad. She is so phat. I gotta keep it kosher. But I do wanna fuck one day. So I gotta resist the urge so I don't fuck up my life.

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I want something no one can ever take away from me. I want something dependable in my life. I need stability. Please come soon.

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I have been having alot of migraines lately and go through what feels like depression. I think that there might be something wrong. I should speak to a doctor, but I worry that there might be something wrong. that scares me.

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  • I have an appointment next Wednesday

  • You'd go better to the doctor. He know what's best for you and he will help you

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I'm a bad friend. I always have bad, resentful ideas about others, even if it's unjustified.

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It's adorable that swans have the same partner for their whole life. (Unless one of them dies.)

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I wonder if not listening to metal or other angry music can lessen my constant anger. I'll try it for a month.

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  • Depends. For some people, listening to music changes their mood. For me, listening to music compliments whatever mood I'm already in. When I'm depressed, I listen to depressing music. When I'm peppy, I listen to upbeat songs. When I'm pissed or working at a fast pace, I turn on some metal. Music helps me cope with and work through my emotions, rather than distracting me or covering them up. But each person is different.

  • Metal is bad for you if you're not okay. I speak from experience.

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Everything is annoying but no, yelling by myself at home didn't help me calm down. Fuck! Now I'm in public so I can't even yell. Doesn't help that soon I have to sit on the bus for three hours.

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