My little sister always traces the scar on my throat with her little fingers. I love her so so so much.
Adam’s house Books on table Pencils scribbling Trombone sounds coming from upstairs Adam telling me Hurry hurry hurry up with your homework So we can play Halo. Yummy smells coming from the kitchen, Adam’s sister tapping her fingers on her nose Counting syllables or maybe integers. Everyone busy. But then there’s a key in the door, And shuffling shoes Adam’s mom shouts something from the kitchen Adam’s dad comes in, loosening his tie Dropping his briefcase. Adam’s sister stands and hugs him Adam tells him about the math test and how well he did. The trombone sounds stop and Adam’s brother flies down the stairs. They are a crowd. They are talking all at once. Adam’s dad acts annoyed as he tries to get to the kitchen but he’s smiling. Adam’s mom steps into the dining room Wipes her hands on her apron Kisses him big on the mouth And I am still at the table Alone Thinking of my own dad About how he disappeared one day Without a word. And I’m feeling suddenly itchy to not be here In this house But I can’t be anywhere else And Adam’s dad says over the noise, Timothy. My name. And he nods at me. And I nod back Swallowing a rock in my throat. Wondering why everything just got so painful.
I MADE A MISTAKE IN A SOCIAL SITUATION AMD I WANT AWAY BUT I CANT EXACTLY RUN AWAY WHEN IM IN CLASS
I never feel good enough. When I had a job as a cleaner, I felt I was too slow and meticulous and that I wasn't helpful at all. When writing papers for uni, everything sounds stupid. I don't know if I'm actually good for anything. And talking to people is a challange. I mess up constantly and it's so embarrassing. I often have to repeat myself because I didn't phrase it clearly enough. I don't know what I want to do for a living, but I worry that I'll always feel inadequate like this regardless of how different the setting would be and the fact that socialising is inevitable in any situation is stressing for me.
My ultimate sexual fantasy is to have sex with twins
I don't look left and right for cars when crossing the street anymore. Of course when I hear a car I stop, but when I don't, I just take the risk. My life is currently so shitty that I actually think being hit by a car could make things better, not worse.