Something awkward that happened today. A girl sat next to me on the bus and introduced herself to me. I did the same and then I placed my hand in front of her for her to shake because that's how my dad raised me. For a moment she only stared at it. I began to wonder whether I just did something weird and I was so mortified I couldn't even look at her, but I couldn't bring myself to take my hand down, either. That would have been humiliating as well. Eventually, she shook my hand, albeit rather hesitantly, and she said: “Your fingers are freezing." I didn't know how to respond to that. She held my fingers with both her hands and began to rub them as if she were trying to warm them up. This surprised me greatly, and I’m certain I was blushing. I slowly took my hand away from her grasp and hugged my backpack, staring at the floor and wishing the bus would drive faster. This made her laugh. I don't know why. And now I can't stop thinking about the whole thing and feeling embarrassed all over again.
I need opinions if I'm mentally ill or not. I've been through alot in life and was with my ex(first boyfriend) for about 4 going on 5 years. he hurt me and did alot of horrible things to me but because I never actually acknowledged them...they have started to affect me lately. we have been broken up for 3 years now. he died in 2015...and raped me before he died...i blurred out the memory and pretended it didn't happen...after he died he kind of ruined my reputation to everyone. he made me.out to be a horrible person and a whore and I've never been with anyone but.him. I would literally give him the clothes off my back. not saying I'm perfect but I definitely treated him better than I treated myself and most likely everyone else. I prayed about it and thought I had moved on but it still bothers me. he also had his side chick stalking me at the time way b4 he died(at the time I didn't know she was his side chick). her and one of the other girl he was seeing during the time we were together started taunting me and spreading horrible rumors and lies about me.i. ignored them. his friends who tried to hit on me and I ignored then turned on me also. I held alot of resentment towards all of them for a while. for his side chick bothering me, and his friends spreading lies, saw him cheating, laughing in my face,letting him use their car to cheat,etc I always felt the need to destroy all of them and get my revenge but I know karma will take care of that. sometimes I feel a little psycho because whenever a female gets too close to my current bf or does something I feel inappropriate,I feel rate inside and I don't want to feel that way.its not that I'm insecure but I just don't want to lose someone precious...i have no one else :/
As a child/teenager, I used to trace and copy other people's artwork and then tell people it's my own. I did this because I loved drawing, but I sucked at it and failed to understand that this isn't a talent you're just born with, but that you have to practise to get there. I was ashamed of my own drawings, I felt they were too bad for someone who likes doing it. I feel bad for that now, because I lied to people, especially to my parents who always were so proud of me.
I want to come out to my family as bisexual. But I want to have a reason to, meaning I want a girlfriend. I don't want to just, out of the blue, tell them. I want to say "She is my girlfriend. I'm bisexual." I want them to see that I can actually love someone of the same sex, and that my attraction to girls is not just some kind of twisted desperation for attention. I'm just so tired of hiding who I am.
I'm feeling more and more depressed lately...to the point where I don't know if I can even feel anymore or if I'm just imagining it. maybe I don't want to die...maybe I just want the pain to end....
My therapist appointment is too far away and I feel awful. Yesterday in class I felt so stupid when I didn't find answers in the texts we had to read. And last week I couldn't understand a word after the teacher explained it to me. Also, like usual I've been too scared to talk to anybody. I can't talk to anyone but this site.
i love it when people tell me to get professional help. lmao i dont want help i want to die how is help even an option?
I am so bad at cooking because I love the natural taste of things, I can eat things without any seasoning at all and love it just as much or even more than with. When I cook for other people, they always complain that my food is either too tasteless or too heavily seasoned (because I never do it, I have no idea how much is the right amount). It's not just things like salt, pepper and so on, but also things like adding butter or milk or whatever, for example cooked vegetables with butter. I don't want that butter there. It tastes great without for me. People don't agree.
I just wish I had a hand to hold at the funeral today. It seemed like everybody there had someone with them but me. I so desperately want the comfort of a partner, not just at this difficult time, but all the time. I just feel so lonely. I feel like I have no support.