I'm tired of old men and little boys hitting on me. Where are all the 22 year olds or so?! Everyone in Providence and around Providence is ugly, I'm sorry. I'm not Victoria secret model but I'm definitely not ugly mess either.
On the behalf of me and my other lgbt+ people, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF OUR SEX LIVES!!! And by that, I mean stop trying to explain to us what sex is, and how we do it. WE KNOW HOW WE DO IT. And it's nothing like that shitty ass porn you watch, either. That shit is not realistic at all, because porn isn't meant to be realistic. So that's the first thing you can get the fuck out of your head. Second, since when did our sex lives become a concern of yours? Why the fuck are you so obsessed with it? You know nothing about it, so stop acting like you do just because you're straight and have a dick or a vagina. It is NOT your place to tell us that it's not real or it's not valid. We work with what we work with, and that's how it's always been for us. And it is absolutely not your place to tell us how it should be done or ask us not to tell you that we do or don't do these things. IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! It shouldn't be any of your concern. If you watch gay/lesbian porn, that's you, do what you want. But don't expect that to be realistic for us and don't expect a pleasant answer when you have the fucking stones to ask us if it's really like that. It's not your business, not your place, and it's not in your concern. Because it shouldn't be. Rant over. I'm so done.
The eyes take in the colors and the shapes. The images go to the brain for translation. The brain cross checks the translation against the memories it's stored.
I started enlisting for a lot of studies, social work and stuff, where you have to go somewhere and meet strangers in strange places and do things you've never done before - all that to fight my social anxiety, because I've heard that the best way of getting rid of a phobia is to face what you're afraid of. So far it's not working at all. I feel like it's getting worse. I am currently having a minor anxiety attack because of my appointment, even though I've already been to this place and can't be afraid of not finding the room. I don't know what to do against my anxiety if that doesn't work...
I am afraid to live my life. As a kid I always listen to teachers, never bullied someone, always helping others, I never did something against the law. As an adult neither. I never stole something, never got a ticket for speeding, parking etc, never done drugs or alcohol, never punched a stranger, never got arrested, I'm always polite specially to the elderly. In my heart I wish I could be more outgoing. I wish I could do more silly things like go swimming with no clothes on, dance in the street when you're happy, dance in the rain, sing when I ride my bike, have an one night stand, go to music festivals without feeling disgusted by all the drunk people. Go somewhere without a plan, sleep on the beach... all that kind of stuff. But I won't for one reason, and one reason only. And this may sound really really stupid but I can't help it. I have the feeling that God is watching every step, and I'm afraid that when I die I will be judged by Him and He will be disappointed in me for not controlling myself and doing stupid things. That's why I always act responsible but that also makes me a very boring person with only a few friends that have the same standards as me. I wish I didn't care.
got a prescriptionfor my anxiety. couldn't open the bottle. *cue attack*
lost my cool yesterday. so my mum knows i can get extreme headaches from time to time, to the point of crying. yet yesterday she forced me to walk home in blinding light and blazing heat because she didnt wanna pick me up. so when i got home i was crying af cus it hurt so bad. and then she yelled hello, and i said hello back but i guess she didnt hear me cus she said hello again but louder. so i lost it and friggin screamed hello back at her before going downstairs.
Sometimes I feel the urge to break people, just to see their true self.
i used to write blogs all the time. now i stopped doing it because of laziness. i want to share my blog but i also want to be anonymous. how can i achieve that?
good morning. so ... i met my boyfriend at my job 10 months ago we're both 20 something and he is 4 yrs older. We had a two hour conversation after i met him in a meeting 2 months into a new job and i already wanted him so I was the aggressor. Not in any tacky or sleazy way I just made it clear that i wanted him. At first we fooled around at work, then we were having sex and then we were hooking up outside of work. No one knew. He's a beautiful person so we really connect on a soul level. We've opened up to one another so much, shed tears and have a beautiful friendship as well. Lately we've been ramping it up A TON sexually. Like we've made ourselves vulnerable to getting caught at work, we have sex much more often and he's like sharing more with me about what he desires, vice versa. Anyhow, so I'm still a spiritual person, and sex does not come without the guilt of having premarital sex. I just really like sex with him. one night he was telling me his fantasies while we were in action and he said that he wants me to be his sex slave(i'm weird.. like rough sex... morally object to bdsm). then I asked if he is a demon. My long term ex was a jewish guy and asked if I was a succubus, the guy i'm confessing about asked me if I was a succubus. the man that molested me as a child called ME a demon when i saw him as an adult. I even wonder if I am one. so i just thought to ask him. and he said yes. and then he wouldn't let me off of him. another time we had sex I thoughtlessly said "oh god!" to him pleasuring me and he said "why are you calling on god?" I was like "what?" and he said "im asking you. you're the one calling his name." and that was just super unnerving. He says little offhand things, sometimes in a joking way, sometimes with a straight face that he will kidnap me, we're going to move where no one knows me, I'm going to be his slave, he's gonna have sex with me whenever he wants it, he'll say "i'm really jealous. let me find out that you're sleeping with another guy", one time he even said he'd kill me but he doesn't remember. I can't tell if he's serious. Everyone at our job LOVES him and relies on him. If his work speaks for him, then he is extremely disciplined and principled, he has an exemplary work ethic and a relationship with God to where, when we're not doing that whole dark sexuality thing, he ministers to me and I see life in a more compassionate and humble way, I feel less anxious and less stingy with my emotions. One of the VPs is married to a man who knew him as a preteen boy and said the person we experience is consistent with who he has always been. But also they all note that while he has this sweet and good as gold side, he has another one, even people who i'm sure never had a real conversation with him. We both take trains to the same station to get to work so we bump into one another and enter the building together frequently. But lately he doesnt appear to be at that station anymore, sometimes i really want to run into him. Three days ago, I told him this and he told me, I saw you, you did this and that I was on "my creep" and I didn't see him the following day either though i wondered if he was somewhere watching me. Last night i looked around a bunch and couldn't find him, but as i approached the building i turned fast and saw him, he seemed like startled by it. we only became official a few weeks ago though we've been in courtship all these months, so i just stopped going out with other guys and i thought i was pretty discreet about it when i was... but in an argument one morning he told me what he knew about it and it was A LOT of information that i'm curious how he got to know. i think my bf might be dangerous. I kind of like it, but sometimes it's overwhelming and I really do want to run away, I fantasize about stuff like this but the reality is A LOT